Beginning a New Chapter

This new chapter in our lives has been a lonnnngggg time in the making. John starts full time with the post office on May 3! We're in our 11th year waiting, so our house is jumping for joy!

This means we finally get the benefits that come with his job at the post office, which are pretty darn fabulous, like most government jobs. Exciting stuff! Not to mention the pay raise. Hallelujah!

On a not so exciting note, we had another miscarriage this month. I'm beyond the point where we can beat around the bush about things like this. I'm fine, we're fine - It's just part of the journey.  This was another very early miscarriage, and unfortunately or fortunately these become easier and easier to deal with emotionally. I'm more sad that we didn't even really get excited. There are no celebrations when we get positive pregnancy tests anymore. That part kinda stinks, but I also know that it is God's way of guarding my heart.  I would like your prayers, though. This one has been harder on my body. Very draining and achy physically. I haven't even told anyone but John. I just don't like or want to talk about it. (It's WAY more fun to talk about the cute antics of my TWO year old.)  There's no good way to start this conversation. The benefit of living in this generation is taking early pregnancy tests. The downfall is taking early pregnancy tests. Twenty years ago I would have assumed it was just a two-week late period. Like I said, we're fine. Honestly.  Just needed to get that off my chest.

So if you are keeping track, here's what's happened so far:

BFP #1 - EDD March 4, 2011. MC. DNC August 2010.
BFP #2 - EDD March 4, 2012. Arleigh Olivia was born February 15, 2012.
BFP #3 - EDD January 17, 2014. MC at 7 Weeks.
BFP #4 - EDD December 27, 2014. MC at 6 Weeks.

Back to the fun stuff. I am excited about seeing what is next for our family. We've got our three year plan in motion to save, sell the house and make a decision about private or public school for AO. To my surprise, GORDO public high school has higher 11th grade test scores than any of the public city or county schools in Tuscaloosa. (Yes, I'm the nerd who makes spreadsheets from the data on greatschools.org.)  So the big debate of the moment in the Mansell house - do we relocate to Gordo or stay in Tuscaloosa and do private school?

The other option is moving to Gordo is doing PA, where my first two "nieces" Libby and Millie attend.  Lots of decision making and porch night conversations! Gordo is only a 25 minute drive from my office in Northport, which is quicker than the 40 minutes it takes me to get home in Hillcrest. The traffic on 69 south is HORRID! It would be a longer jaunt for Johnboy (40 minutes compared to his current 7), so we're still weighing all the pros and cons.   John would like AO to start and stay at the same school. I'm fine making changes up to about second grade. I'm a little concerned about the future in Gordo, but currently they seem to be doing a fantastic job. OF COURSE I will keep a check on these until we make a decision, but it's exciting to think that we are almost there!

I really have an old fixer-upper in my head, which is pretty much the only options if we head west. Or we can build, but the fixer-upper charm has my pinterest boards on FIRE.  The fact that we would be 45 minutes closer to my family, right near with John's, and about 15 minutes from my Aunt and Danielle, are HUGE factors in my mind. There is something about small town charm that is appealing.  And room for chickens. Who doesn't love chickens!!!!

It's a big time at the Mansells! Now I'm going back to pinning! :-)

My Two Kids - Dog is Baby's Best Friend

I wasn't so sure how Clarence would be with a baby sister. He's a dog (shhh!) after all. 

When AO came home from the hospital, he was automatically a good kind of protective. He'd get between anyone new and her baby bed. (But not in a mean way..In a good, "let me check you out" kinda way.) 

He'd go up and lick her face when she'd cry. (And it worked...she would stop.)  That doesn't work now, but they've moved on.

Now they play together. 

Meet Clarence. Also known as Arleigh's favorite chair. 

 

He's the first one to wake her up in the morning. He plows past me pushing open the door and gate into her room and starts huffing, whining and spinning in circles until she wakes up. He also licks her face and feet or whatever body part he can reach through the crib bars. (He's REALLY happy to see her.) This little trick is not so adorable when Clarence thinks she's napped or slept long enough, and HE decides it's time to wake her. It happens, too, unfortunately for Mama. His parents aren't exciting enough now that AO is in his world.

AO kisses Clarence and gives him real hugs. Probably 10x as many as she gives her Mama and Daddy. I wish I were joking, because I would LOVE some of that TLC from my kiddo.  And they are just sporadic. She randomly goes up and plants a big ole kiss on his shiny wet nose. The hugs are pretty precious, too. Maybe I should spend more time down on her level. (I'm jealous, can you tell?)

They play a mean game of keep away. Clarence keeps something and runs from AO, AO gets something and runs giggling hysterically from Clarence. This goes on for what seems like hours.Sometimes concluding with a tug-a-war game and the parents intervening. Bless it.

AO is concerned about Clarence's nutrition, so she feeds him from her highchair. Sometime he even wears the food because she's flinging it so fast. She also shares her snacks. She doesn't understand why she can't play in his food or water, though.  We've even caught her licking her tray like Clarence does. Yuck. Not much for southern manners and grace, there, honey. Cuts down on the silverware, though.

We take her toys away from Clarence, AO immediately gives it back to him. Same way with him. We take his toys from her, He picks it up and drops it at her feet.  At least she is really learning to share. They have a "what's mine is his" kinda friendship.

She rubs his belly. He nuzzles hers and makes her roll over. And PUSHES her over while she's laughing.  He gooses her with the big black nose. Again, she giggles hysterically.

He lays on the bathroom floor when she takes a bath and gets ready for bed.

He's the last one out of her room when she goes to bed at night. (EVERY. SINGLE. NIGHT.) 

Did I mention they were best friends? Like, Seriously.

From the beginning, we let them find their own way to mesh together. We haven't pushed it. And we haven't discouraged it. There are times when we have to tell Clarence to be gentle, or slow down. Same goes for Arleigh O. (HE LOVES running beside her in the hall and goosing her into the wall. And she HATES it. That's her least favorite game. The "Clarence is so excited to see me he knocks me into the wall" game. She's not a fan. Neither is her Mama. Just like she has to be closely watched rubbing the belly, because she's pulled parts that shouldn't be touched on ANY creature.)  But the majority of the time, they mesh so well together, they don't need intervention. Of course we watch them very closely, because he's still (gasp) a dog.  That's the best advice I can give on the dog-baby relationship. Let them do what comes natural if it's safe. Even the (icky) licking and kisses. Just let them be. Clarence is a very gentle-natured dog. And we do trust him. But safely monitoring the trust.

I never thought I would be an inside-the-house dog person. But he's Clarence. And he's the best rescued from a gutter-mutt-black-dog-child-brother on the planet.

Market Street Saturday

I've always loved downtown Columbus. My hometown has some of the most beautiful antebellum homes in the country, and one of the most charming southern historic districts around.

Market Street is the "must do" yearly event in downtown Columbus. The weather is usually almost perfect, and folks in this region are pretty awesome crafters. For years Daisymaes had a booth. It's the place to catch up and have lots of familiar, sweet smiling folks hug your neck.

Arleigh O and I planned a much needed girls day with Nano for a little shopping. The one thing about going with Nano, I can gurantee you are going to hear 900 "Hey, Mrs. Sansing" from every kid she's every taught. 

AO loved riding in her stroller and didn't make a peep.

We had chicken salad fruit plates at an adorable little restaurant called the Gourmet Garage, behind Beard's Antiques. (This is where AO became a huge new fan of dehydrated green beans and okra.)

.

I bought this fabulous stained glass piece for $35. It takes up my entire kitchen window!

AO got her first balloon.... 

She went on her first carriage ride through the tree lined streets of the historic district. And took a nap....

We met sweet Swayze for Tutti Fruiti yogurt

 

And AO absolutely collapsed from her busy day. How was your weekend?

25 Ways to be a great mom

I can't take credit for this one. Someone posted this on facebook and it was too good not to share. 


25 RULES FOR MOTHERS OF DAUGHTERS

1. Paint her nails. Then let her scratch it off and dirty them up. Teach her to care about her appearance, and then quickly remind her that living and having fun is most important.

2. Let her put on your makeup, even if it means bright-red-smudged lips and streaked-blue eyes. Let her experiment in her attempts to be like you…then let her be herself.

3. Let her be wild. She may want to stay home and read books on the couch, or she may want to hop on the back of a motorcycle-gasp. She may be a homebody or a traveler. She may fall in love with the wrong boy, or meet mr. right at age 5. Try to remember that you were her age once. Everyone makes mistakes, let her make her own.

4. Be present. Be there for her at her Kindergarten performances, her dance recitals, her soccer games…her everyday-little-moments. When she looks through the crowds of people, she will be looking for your smile and pride. Show it to her as often as possible.

5. Encourage her to try on your shoes and play dress-up. If she would rather wear her brother’s superman cape with high heals, allow it. If she wants to wear a tutu or dinosaur costume to the grocery store, why stop her? She needs to decide who she is and be confident in her decision.

6. Teach her to be independent. Show her by example that woman can be strong. Find and follow your own passions. Search for outlets of expression and enjoyment for yourself- not just your husband or children. Define yourself by your own attributes, not by what others expect you to be. Know who you are as a person, and help your daughter find out who she is.

7. Pick flowers with her. Put them in her hair. There is nothing more beautiful than a girl and a flower.

8. Let her get messy. Get messy with her, no matter how much it makes you cringe inside. Splash in the puddles, throw snowballs, make mud pies, finger paint the walls: just let it happen. The most wonderful of memories are often the messy ones.

9. Give her good role models- you being one of them. Introduce her to successful woman- friends, co-workers, doctors, astronauts, or authors. Read to her about influential woman- Eleanor Roosevelt, Rosa Parks, Marie Curie. Read her the words of inspirational woman- Jane Austen, Sylvia Plath, Emily Dickinson. She should know that anything is possible.

10. Show her affection. Daughters will mimic the compassion of their mother. “I love yous” and Eskimo kisses go a long way.

11. Hold her hand. Whether she is 3 years-old in the parking lot or sixteen years old in the mall, hold on to her always- this will teach her to be confident in herself and proud of her family.

12. Believe in her. It is the moments that she does not believe in herself that she will need you to believe enough for both of you. Whether it is a spelling test in the first grade, a big game or recital, a first date, or the first day of college…remind her of the independent and capable woman you have taught her to be.

13. Tell her how beautiful she is. Whether it is her first day of Kindergarten, immediately after a soccer game where she is grass-stained and sweaty, or her wedding day. She needs your reminders. She needs your pride. She needs your reassurance. She is only human.

14. Love her father. Teach her to love a good man, like him. One who lets her be herself…she is after all wonderful.

15. Make forts with boxes and blankets. Help her to find magic in the ordinary, to imagine, to create and to believe in fairy tales. Someday she will make her 5 by 5 dorm-room her home with magic touches and inspiration. And she will fall in love with a boy and believe him to be Prince Charming.

16. Read to her. Read her Dr. Seuss and Eric Carle. But also remember the power of Sylvia Plath and Robert Frost. Show her the beauty of words on a page and let her see you enjoy them. Words can be simply written and simply spoken, yet can harvest so much meaning. Help her to find their meaning.

17. Teach her how to love- with passion and kisses. Love her passionately. Love her father passionately and her siblings passionately. Express your love. Show her how to love with no restraint. Let her get her heart broken and try again. Let her cry, and gush, giggle and scream. She will love like you love or hate like you hate. So, choose love for both you and her.

18. Encourage her to dance and sing. Dance and sing with her- even if it sounds or looks horrible. Let her wiggle to nursery rhymes. Let her dance on her daddy's feet and spin in your arms. Then later, let her blast noise and headbang in her bedroom with her door shut if she wants. Or karaoke to Tom Petty in the living room if she would rather. Introduce her to the classics- like The Beatles- and listen to her latest favorite- like Taylor Swift. Share the magic of music together, it will bring you closer- or at least create a soundtrack to your life together.

19. Share secrets together. Communicate. Talk. Talk about anything. Let her tell you about boys, friends, school. Listen. Ask questions. Share dreams, hopes, concerns. She is not only your daughter, you are not only her mother. Be her friend too.

20. Teach her manners. Because sometimes you have to be her mother, not just her friend. The world is a happier place when made up of polite words and smiles.

21. Teach her when to stand-up and when to walk away. Whether she has classmates who tease her because of her glasses, or a boyfriend who tells her she is too fat - let her know she does not have to listen. Make sure she knows how to demand respect - she is worthy of it. It does not mean she has to fight back with fists or words, because sometimes you say more with silence. Also make sure she knows which battles are worth fighting. Remind her that some people can be mean and nasty because of jealousy, or other personal reasons. Help her to understand when to shut her mouth and walk-away. Teach her to be the better person.

22. Let her choose who she loves. Even when you see through the charming boy she thinks he is, let her love him without your disapproving words; she will anyway. When he breaks her heart, be there for her with words of support rather than I told-you-so. Let her mess up again and again until she finds the one. And when she finds the one, tell her.

23. Mother her. Being a mother - to her - is undoubtedly one of your greatest accomplishments. Share with her the joys of motherhood, so one day she will want to be a mother too. Remind her over and over again with words and kisses that no one will ever love her like you love her. No one can replace or replicate a mother's love for their children.

24. Comfort her. Because sometimes you just need your mommy. When she is sick, rub her back, make her soup and cover her in blankets - no matter how old she is. Someday, if she is giving birth to her own child, push her hair out of her face, encourage her, and tell her how beautiful she is. These are the moments she will remember you for. And someday when her husband rubs her back in attempt to comfort her...she may just whisper, "I need my mommy."

25. Be home. When she is sick with a cold or broken heart, she will come to you; welcome her. When she is engaged or pregnant, she will run to you to share her news; embrace her. When she is lost or confused, she will search for you; find her. When she needs advice on boys, schools, friends or an outfit; tell her. She is your daughter and will always need a safe harbor - where she can turn a key to see comforting eyes and a familiar smile; be home.

BFF Kimberly - Off to Phoenix!

We've been friends for years. Seriously...It makes me feel old just thinking about it. Her parents transferred to a little bitty rental house next door to my family when they first moved to New Hope around 1990.  I remember sitting on the floor of her bedroom playing the game of  Life. How appropriate for us.  They didn't stay in that house long, but Kimberly and I have been friends ever since. So far, we've been through first boyfriends, first kisses, churches and church trips, going with me on my first date (which her mom took us on!), sleepovers and even more sleepovers, transferring high schools (I'm still devastated about this one), a Tom Cruise crush, proms, bad breakups, college decisions, trips to LA and New York and everywhere in between, more boy drama, then finally both meeting our Johns. Then it was more serious talk about marriage, air force, deployments,  growing our faith, being a wife, raising our babies, work, and every relationship in between. She's my rock. She never judges. But she will seriously tell me I'm crazy if I need it.

We've been there from moves to colleges and Seminary in Dallas, Texas, about 15 different houses and apartments in Columbus, Mississippi,  my little family moving to Tuscaloosa, the Ryan's to Phoenix, Arizona the first time, then Sumter, SC, then back to Phoenix.  But when we need each other, we can tell it. And we make time. Even if it is just for a four hour phone call about nothing just because we needed a break from life to laugh.

We stood by each other as maid of honor when we got married to our boys both named John.

 

We were there when we both had our first babies.

And we were there for everything in between. It's so incredibly rare for your childhood best friend to grow up and STILL be your best friend. We've been blessed.

But now, Kimberly's had a tragedy that I can't shake from my core. She lost a child. She was there for me when I had our miscarriage and got pregnant again, but it's nothing like loosing a child who should have survived. She had to plan a funeral for her child. Who was a perfectly healthy girl. Who had a name. When you think everything will be fine, only to hear those words "Ava didn't make it". Just a freak, freak, accident. Who has to deal with something so gut wrenching like loosing a child? Especially during childbirth - something most of us completely take for granted as a blessing and a bright spot in our memories?  Loosing a child that should be here now. Why her, God. Why? 

I still have the voicemail from John on my phone. And I remember the words from Kimberly. I hurt because she hurts. It makes me so sad to think about her pain of not being able to bring Ava home. 

To give her all the love her little life could stand.

But today, I'm leaving on a jet plane to hug her neck. And I'm excited. :-) Lots of chocolate and laughter in my near future. You should be very jealous.  

Not sure Phoenix can handle us in the same zipcode. Even if it is just for the weekend. :-)

Arleigh O Update - and 14 Month List of Words

(Disclaimer - I am not keeping up with AO's baby book, so I've printed these little updates out for our reference. Just so you know.)

Well it was a busy first year at the Mansell's. Arleigh O is a pretty fabulous kid. We had a very easy first year, with the small exception of our Salmonella episode around 4-5 months. But we kept our cool, and we all survived without a scratch.

Now we're really starting to see AO take off with development. Especially vocabulary. She's really quick on her feet now as well. She doesn't really have a slow motion, which I'm sure is pretty accurate for most 14 month olds.  She loves climbing up and down steps - Shes figured out she needs to sit first, turn around and scoot backwards. She loves peek-a-boo and hide and seek. And she loves her patty-cake. Her roll-it-up trips me out!  She can throw a ball (the both hands over the head throw) and loves playing keep away with Clarence. Her favorite foods are English peas and The Chicken Salad Chic Scotty chicken salad. She loves that stuff. She also loves fish and ketchup, and garlic bread. Her go to meal if she isn't eating well is cheese toast and bananas. She absolutely loves mandarin oranges and peaches, but we've had to cut out a lot of acidic fruit because it really messes with her bottom.

Moving right along ----

NanO and Auntie Rose have forbidden the use of baby talk in our house, which probably explains why we have so many words. Plus we have conversations with AO. And we have from the beginning. We ask her questions and pause for her response. Even as tiny baby. And now, she won't hush, lol. She's usually so good and quiet when we are out. But at home when she's in her comfort zone, the kid can get LOUD. I declare sometimes she sounds like she's cursing us in baby, she seems so determined to say what she's saying. She's a mess.

Now at 14 months (which she turned yesterday), her vocabulary is REALLY taking off! John and I keep a running list of her words. I put an * by the ones she uses repeatedly in the correct context. Others are more sporadic.

• Da-da or Daddy*
• Ma-ma*
• Bye-Bye*
• Thank You (Dank Choo)* As funny as it sounds, this was one of her first words. Our ped thought we were crazy when we told him at her one year checkup. She says this one ALL the time. When she handed me the june-bug beetle yesterday, she said Dank Choo.
• Night-night (Non-Non)*
• Bath (Baff)*
• Please (Ease)
• Hey* (It's very much like the Fonz...Haaaaaaay)
• There (Dare)*
• Arleigh (Ahhhhleee. It's pretty darn cute.)
• Look (Dook) This one is her new favorite*
• Uh-Oh or Ruhh-Roh*
• Duck (Uck)*
• Quack (Ack)
• I Got (I Ga)
• Papa*
• JuJu
• NanO (Na Na)
• Libby (Bib-Bi)
• Millie (Mil)
• Clarence (Larra)
• Outside (Doutside)
• Ball
• Dog
• More (Mo)*
• Baby*
• No-No*
• Yes (Ess)*
• Come On (M'on)*
• Lion (Ion)
• Bubbles
• Bottle (Ba-ba)*
• Water (Wa-Wa)*

I'm sure there are more we are forgetting. Or we haven't translated yet.


What's really funny - it's not her vocabulary that is impressive to others. It's her fine motor skills. I can attribute a lot of this to letting her use her fingers to eat from about 6-7 months on. Just do it. It makes a huge mess, but they love it! And her whistle...Now seeing that is a hoot! 

On a side note, Arleigh has been bitten twice (confirmed) at day care, and two more times where it wasn't observed but from the marks we suspected biting. I've taught daycare and been around kids. Unfortunately, sometimes it's how kids communicate. It's part of the frustrations of not being able to speak yet having so much to say. I did call Mrs. T just to make sure AO wasn't the instigator, and in the last situation, they were just playing in a pile having a good ol' time when one little boy decided he was an alligator. Big sigh. But I also know AO is a bit of a rough player. She's the kid that runs up to a friend, snatches the passy, and runs like a thief in the night laughing the whole way. It's a game to her. I've seen her do it with Clarence. But at least there she's met her match. Sooo....There is a lot of growing up that will take place over the next year as they all sort out how to properly communicate. She's also a hair puller. Makes since. She can destroy a pretty hair bow in about 15 seconds when it's discovered. And yank out the pony tail in the process. Problem is...I think she may be doing it to friends, too. Big sigh. And no, I am NOT going to teach my kid to bite or hit back. She'll end up shoving them in the play oven again on her own time. Bless it. She's such a little tomboy. Skint up knees and mud-puddles Saturday, picking up bugs yesterday. Not a whiner either. Just a tough cookie who keeps on trucking.

Discipline wise, we have started using a time out method at home, which surprisingly has worked. She's really only been in trouble at home for playing in Clarence's food and water. (Which is Clarence's domain, and could turn into a dangerous situation.) One Saturday she was in it repeatedly. I held her arms down facing the corner and counted out loud to forty as a time out method. It took three times that day, but she hasn't been back in his bowls yet. Yes, it probably is a little young. But it worked. Now she can walk towards it, I can say No, she jumps and RUNS in the opposite direction. Whereas before, she didn't pay me ANY attention when I said No. I don't necessarily like the popping idea just yet. I popped her one time for playing in an electrical outlet after being warned. She didn't cry, but she looked at me like I was crazy. It's not for us.  But we do grab her little hands and hold them when she does something naughty and tell her No ___. (Like throwing food on the floor or pinching or hitting.) It gets her attention WAY more effectively than a pop did. She looses control of the situation, which she can not stand. Of course it's followed by cuddles and kisses. Usually sloppy,  just eaten and made a massive mess hugs. (Gross, but I'll take whatever I can get.)

I gotta say, this toddler era is pretty exciting! It most certainly keeps us on our toes!
Did you know that it takes 12 hair washing episodes and three days to get Aquaphor out of a baby's hair? Ummhuh. Just ask Arleigh. We finally pulled out the dawn dish washing detergent. It's some tough stuff. Sunday morning right after we got up and were getting ready for church. That would be why we didn't make it. She was a HOT MESS. Toddler hood. I think you can tell we're in for a wild ride. :-)

But she's a sweet hot mess. Most parents DREAD bedtime. Now, we do bed right after bath time. It's straight into our PJs for prayers and night-night time. She kisses her Clarence dog on her mobile from Aunt Rosie, gets under her blanket and kisses her doll. We sing the Barney song (she has no clue who Barney even is yet) and then Mama leaves. You know what my kid does when I leave her room? Waves and tells me bye-bye, night-night and then gets the giggles. No bottle necessary. She really is such a sweetiepie.  Eat. Her. Up.

Softball Player in Training

It's a good thing we're near family. Really good.

MC or Libby occasionally have games in Englewood, which joins our neighborhood. TOO convenient to pass up a chance to see my other girls play ball. 

Arleigh O loved it!

The EASY Working Mom way to make Fish Tacos

Seriously the easiest fish tacos you can make at home.....

Several years ago on a trip to California, I was introduced to the wonderful world of fish tacos. I loved them, but my hubs and family didn't share my taste buds for something new and different. Heck, we're southern! Why would I expect them to love my California treat? 

There are not many places to get yummy fish tacos in these parts, so I've learned to make my own EASY EASY EASY variety.  And with family approval! (We have a 13 Month old and work outside the home. If you get supper and it's not out of a to-go bag or a sandwich on a weeknight, you are getting a TREAT.)

The four ingredient must haves:

• Boxed fish - It can be the crispy baked fish, or the grilled. Either way, we get the boxed kind for quick week day meals. I buy it only when it's on sale at Publix. On the weekend when we've had more time, we've grilled catfish for our southern fish tacos. Way yummy. 

• Flour Tortilla shells (A pantry staple in this house)

• Packaged Coleslaw Cabbage from the Salad Aisle (No dressing, with the lettuce/bagged salads) 

• Southwest Ranch Dressing (We like the Marie's from the refrigerated section. Publix usually has it BOGO. We've also used the Hidden Valley Southwest Ranch, which was good.)

The quick  way - 

Bake the fish. Mix half a bag of coleslaw with a bit of southwest ranch dressing until it's lightly coated. Assemble. And EAT.   EASY. WAY TOO EASY.

To make it EVEN BETTER: 

If you are wanting a little more get-up and have these extras in your pantry, here are some suggestions. 

I add these straight in the slaw - so it's very easy assembly:

• Half a can of Mexicorn (Drained)
• Half a can of Black Beans (Drained and Rinsed)
• Fresh Lime Juice from one lime (This adds SO much!)
• Chopped Bell Pepper, Onions (We buy the chopped trinity from the veggie section in the grocery store) 
• A scoop of a good salsa (I love the Newman's Own Peach Salsa in mine. The black bean and corn is yummy, too!)

Other add on fish taco bar options, depending on your mood:

• Shredded cheese
• Sour cream
• Lettuce
• Tomatoes
• Cilantro
• Avocado (My kid love it!)
• Mexi-Rice
• More lime!

Just a note -  Making up half a bag of coleslaw usually makes enough for two nights. We bake one box of fish for the first night, and we'll do something different - (frozen section) grilled shrimp - the heat and eat kind the next night instead of fish.

And if you are feeding the ittybittys that are sensitive to the heat in the southwest dressing ---You can mix the slaw with just  a touch of the southwest dressing and use coleslaw dressing or regular ranch for the moisture. 


The most important part of cooking - Teaching and sharing with your family. 

 

Happy Taco Tuesday! What's your favorite way to eat tacos? 

I am that Mom - THE FIRST YEAR

My surrogate big sis from college McCall over at Finding our Way --- Lee, Me and the Girls is doing a series called I am that Mom. It has me thinking. What kind of (albeit new) mom am I? Where have I succeeded in this first year and what would I do differently? There's no failure with new moms, just survival mode.

First, I am that Mama who thinks I have the prettiest baby on the planet. I know, I know. Moving right along.

I am that mom who let the list of expectations about motherhood fly out the window even before Arleigh arrived. Failed expectations (for myself, the hubs, new baby, or even the grandparents) could leave me feeling hurt, and there is no point in having pitty parties with a baby at home. I set my expectations low. Really low. (Thank goodness for a Mama who knows when I need a massive dose of reality.)  When you end up in the hospital a month earlier than expected and you come home with a baby (to a nursery your family had to pull together) after an unexpected c-section, you realize real quick there is no point in having expectations. Honey, it's about survival.  We've had a pretty crazy first year. Her early arrival, c-section, NICU, breast feeding not working, salmonella, her acid burnt bottom, 6 months of runny noses, 5 months of ear infections leading to ear tubes, low iron...but yet, when I look back on it, it was absolutely nothing compared to what some Mamas face. Absolutely nothing. You have to laugh about it and keep on trucking. I'm just thankful we've (almost) made it through the first year without any major issues. She's a statistic (4 in Alabama) on the CDC website for Newport Salmonella outbreak of 2012. Way crazy, yes?

When your 75 year old neighbor says her child slept through the night when they came home from the hospital, I am that mom who laughs in the face of said elderly neighbor. (Not very nice, I realize.) Don't believe the "my baby slept at so and so" hype. One, itty bitty newborns need to feed. Two, their version of night may be 4 hours, or they may not remember. I am that mom that lets her baby cry at night if I know she is full and fine. Not a ridiculous amount (although probably ridiculous for some of those never cry parent types), and not when she was teeny-tiny. It did help put her on a schedule early.

Although now, I am that mom that wishes my baby was still getting up at night, because I miss all the quiet moments with her on my shoulder. All the moments you wish away you wish back once that period of babyhood is over.  And you may even wish for her to occasionally feel just sick enough to want to lay her head on your shoulder. That said....

I am that mom that will intentionally wake up my sleeping baby because as a working Mama, I don't get enough time with her. Even with Arleigh 11 months old, I get all sad thinking about her as a bitty baby 6 or more months ago, when she needed me at night to come to her rescue with that bottle. Or just needed me. That phase ended so quickly. It's a catch-22. You want them to sleep on a schedule, but yet you miss their sweet smelling squishy baby goodness when they don't need you. She's so incredibly independent. Scares me a little. Even when I wake her, she is NOT Miss Cuddly Sweetness. With all 4 of us piled in our king size bed, she's my wild little 11 month old, gigglying loudly, crawling and sliding off of Clarence (the 80 pound lab-brother), bouncing up and down at the end of the bed, climbing the headboard,  sticking her fingers up her Daddy's snoring nose, or sticking her fingers in my mouth to inspect all my teeth. (She's always on an adventure!)
 
I am that mom that wishes I could do better at prioritizing my life and spending time with family. I have a bad, bad, habit of over scheduling my life, and John and Arleigh are the ones that are missing out because of it. They need me.  Prime example - I'll be in the grocery store picking up some kind of fabulousness for an over the top menu with family or friends. When truthfully, they would be just fine with pizza. They all need my time. Not just my time as a Mama, but my time as a wife, daughter, or a friend.

I am that mom that didn't do a great - or even good - job of making church a top priority for our family this year. We fell out of the habit again, and with John working on Saturday, we let Sundays become our family rest/together day, and didn't really give ourselves a day for church family. Arleigh does great at church - mainly because it's the same place she goes to school, so I can't blame this one on her. Bad habit that needs breaking. If you haven't read Angela Thomas's 52 Things Kids Need from a Mom, it's a must read.  I evidently need to read it again. Mainly the part about....scratch that. ALL of it.
 
I am that mom that gets jealous of the time Arleigh gets to spend with her Daddy, and the time Daddy gets to spend with Arleigh. This one is hard for me. I take Arleigh to school in the morning, and her Daddy gets to pick her up noonish and spends all afternoon with her until I get home. Because I'm a working mama, sometimes I don't get home until bath and bedtime. (Which is why I sometimes wake up my sleeping baby.) John gets so much more time with her, which makes me so sad because I miss out. I'm thrilled they have a great relationship and he's an awesome daddy. But I do wish it was me who got to be all motherly.

I am that mom that tries really hard to stop and capture memories. And not memories for Arleigh. Memories for myself and John.  I really thought you had kids so you could revert back to silliness and go to the zoo whenever you want. If it's not, I am so confused. I get the raising your own kids to be outstanding adults, Christian leaders, and citizens part, too. But I'm after the fun factor. :-) We've got a long life after she's grown to have a clean, organized house.  My mom is the one who told me this bit of news. One day, you are going to look back and realize it's about making memories for yourself as much as it is for them.

I am that mom that will let you borrow my baby to make your own memories. I've tried really hard to be generous to those who want to spend time with Arleigh outside our home during this first year. She's spent the night with other family already, and typically if someone wants to keep or see her we've made it work out. From our own experiences, it's really easy for new parents to shelter your baby - even unintentionally - from family, which can make them feel shut out, unloved and undervalued. (I can speak from experience on this, even when you don't mean to do it, it hurts.)  I'm trying really hard to let Arleigh develop her own special relationships with extended family members, and let extended family feel like an important part of her life. This doesn't come naturally; you have to work at it. Especially when you have multiple sides to the family. But I have to remember she's part of everyone who's a part of me, and they need to have time with her, too.

That being said, I am that mom who has to bite my tongue a LOT. Because I do value the relationships in our lives, I try to play the role of diplomat a little too much.  Although she is MY baby, and she came from MY womb, some folks feel like she is THEIR baby. (Ok, so I guess I did need to get that off of my chest after all.) This is one of the few things that has left me in tears this first year. It's so hard knowing that you are the new mom and you think know what's right for your child, yet sometimes you feel like you are standing in the middle of a school of fish moving in the opposite direction. I think most moms get a taste of this at some point or another. What do new Mama's who think they are right do? What they know is best and put in ear plugs for the rest.  I'm definitely learning that what I may view as all out defiance from some folks against my wishes is simply a gigantic misunderstanding.  Just keep the peace....someone has to do it. Moving right along....

I am that mom who is most definitely still learning and growing. It's a challenge and an adventure. But she's loved. So very, very, loved. And she's absolutely adorable. Did I mention that part?

How are you doing on Mommyhood? What did you wish away with your babies that you wanted back?

Putting the Christ back in CHRISTmas

Our first Christmas with Arleigh was a wonderful mix of different. It was our first Christmas without the last patriarch in the family, my Pop, which meant this was the first Christmas with new traditions of our very own.          

Our first new tradition... Christmas brunch at our house. I've never been home for Christmas (always with the Junkin side), so this was all new to me. I did a trial run of what we were having at AOM's birthday party.  Hot ham and swiss sandwiches, Pluck it bread, Chicken Salad, Pasta Salad, Christmas Day breakfast casserole, fruit....It was very yummy in our tummies. :-)

On to the presents.  AOM is one lucky little lady. The grandparents, Aunts, Uncles and Cousin supplied her with this load of LOOT. We need a bigger house because of it. NO JOKE. After the Mansell, Sansing, Junkin sides of the family, plus my friends who are family, Arleigh O was racking up the stuff. Our car was loaded to the ceiling 3 times with stuff. She got more at one stop than most kids get all Christmas. This is just a sampling....

 Then Santa came and supplied her with this load of loot at our house Christmas morning. Santa doesn't wrap in our family. Does Santa wrap for you?   Santa brought AO the little people first farm, which I got on my first Christmas. My Mama didn't tell me until after Santa came. How cool was that!  (Great Mama's think alike, apparently!) She also got the Little People doll house, which has a flushing toilet. Her first baby baseball, a xylophone, and her first cabbage patch doll. Which brings us to this...

Gifts of the Magi - Christmas gifts with a little more Biblical Meaning

Before we even get started, I am in no way saying the overload of presents is wrong for your family. I'm doing this for my family because: 

• Arleigh is more than blessed with plenty of stuff from the Grandparents, aunts, uncles, great aunts, cousins, friends...you get the idea.  I don't think she will miss out on any presents.
• We don't have room for much more "stuff" - We are busting at the seams of our little bitty starter home.
• Mama needs a budget and expectations on what is acceptable. I need to buy presents worthy of lasting and not just "stuff" to fill up space. The presents need to have a meaning or a substance. I need to think before I buy.
• There will always be three presents, which (you've got to admit) makes it much easier when shopping. Not to mention one day with sibling rivalry. 
• If we start this now while AO is young, it will be our own tradition as a family. One that they will hopefully want to pass on to their kids.
• I really think we're raising a generation of kids who expect the latest and greatest at all times. (This applies to me as well.....Have you seen her smocked dress collection?) Toning it down and honing it just a little will (I hope) have dramatic results one day. It can't hurt.
• And the biggest reason? There is not enough Christ in Christmas.

We've talked with Santa and decided it's time to get a little more perspective on Christmas. From now on, children in the P&J Mansell house will receive four presents. We had discussed doing this this year, but I let folks talk me into the "it's her first Christmas, you have to buy more" mentality, which was (excuse the word) stupid. This year, Arleigh got traditional Santa, PLUS her Gifts of the Magi. Not again. There is no point in going this overboard on presents. Mama and Daddy need boundaries. My kids need to realize the real meaning of Christmas - which has nothing to do with presents.

The biggest benefit for Christmas presents with biblical perspective - If three gifts were good enough for baby Jesus, why shouldn't they be good enough for our own kids? Why do we have the "keep up with the Jones" mentality, when we should be worried about keeping our kids on the right track with their heavenly Father?

From a budget perspective, we can reign in requests to fit whatever budget we set. There is no point in an overflow of stuff that is used or played with for two months and then forgotten. It requires us - as parents - to actually think about the gifts we are giving.  When Arleigh is older, it will require honest discussions about the biggest point of Christmas - the birthday of Jesus. Imagine that thought - Christmas is about CHRIST.

When I was first searching online and asked for ideas on Facebook about traditions within your own family for Christmas, I was surprised with the friends who already do some type of variation of the three present rule. They may not tie back in to the categories directly, but they set boundaries for themselves and their kids for a holiday that is becoming more and more excessive each year.





Present 1. Christmas Eve night PJs from Mama and Daddy. Just like baby Jesus got swaddling clothes. (for 33 years I have always had Christmas pjs, so this one just has to stay.)

Present 2, from Santa. Representing Gold. This is their big ticket item, or the item they would like to have the most. It can be a gift for the entire family, or it can be a gift of enduring value.  Like dance or swimming lessons, or a trip to make memories with the family. Or a keepsake piece of jewelry.  This year, Arleigh is the proud new owner of two Britax Car seats.  (Which, by the way, she absolutely loves.)

Present 3, from Santa. Frankincense.  Back when baby Jesus received Frankincense, it was a comforting, holy anointing oil. For Arleigh's purpose, the gift that represents Frankincense is a spiritual gift. Something that can further her relationship with God. One day, it could be a new bible, Christian CDs, the cost for a special retreat or church trip, or a new devotional book. This year, she got Noah's ark and a Veggie Tales movie. 

Present 4, from Santa. Myrrh. Myrrh was used when someone died, to clean their body. This one is always a little harder for me to make a literal present. One day, this could be lotions, new towels, bath robe, makeup or house shoes...you get the idea. Cleanliness is next to Godliness. This year, Arleigh is getting a bathroom redo, which (don't tell her) we were planning on anyway.

I should probably mention that within our little family four-some (Me, John, dog-child Clarence, and 10 Month Arleigh) we really don't do a ton of presents. I couldn't tell you the last time John bought me something for a birthday or holiday on his own. We're just not holiday gifters. Givers, yes. But within out little family, it just isn't a priority. We give to each other with what we want year round, or I just buy what I want. I have friends who would go insane at the thought of no present from the hubs at Christmas or your birthday. It's just not on the list of battles I choose to pick. It's really not that big of deal in the grand scheme of things. Yes, I've had my feelings hurt before. And maybe one day Arleigh O can take dear old dad shopping like we did with my Daddy years ago. 

Maybe presents are more important to your household, and this would never work. And that's fine, too. As long as your kids know the real reason for the season, the message is in their hearts.

Daddy, The Lab Child Clarence, 10 Month old Arleigh

The memories from Christmas are my favorite part of the holiday. Especially this one. I was conked out on the couch for THE FIRST Christmas afternoon nap, and woke up to this precious sight. My three loves playing in the new doll house. (Inspecting the above mentioned flushing toilet.) Such a sweet sight, and a very, very, precious memory.

We didn't get in our Birthday Party for Jesus this year. Hopefully next year. I already bought Happy Birthday Jesus plates and napkins, so we have a head start! 

Hope your Christmas was a fabulous as ours!  What are your favorite Christmas traditions?

Family Really is Everything

In order to know where we are in life, sometimes you need to know where we've been for it all to make sense. 

For the first years or so of my life, Christmas eves were spent at my MawMaw and PawPaw's, opening presents from Aunts and Uncles and watching for Rudolph's nose in the sky with Uncle Bruce. Once the Sansing family started changing generational hands, my Daddy took it upon himself to make sure we keep the traditions alive. Now we meet for Sansing Christmas at the Camp. 

For the past 33 Christmases, I've gone to my Pop and Granny's on Christmas day.  Junkin Christmas was a little different this year, too. We had it early, at my Mama's house. There were no traditional pictures in front of the tree with unintentionally coordinated outfits. It was different, but a good different. It's a hard pill to swallow when generations and patriarchs leave. But, I am ever-so-thankful that both sides of my family view family togetherness and family relationships as the most important thing in life.  They really do. I'm closer to some of my second and third cousins than most people are to their first cousins. Some of my first cousins (that's you Danielle and Brock) are more like siblings to me. And we're closer than most siblings. And to us, it's absolutely normal.  Family is the only way to keep tradition and family values alive. We actually love each other....and for the most part, (GASP) actually really like each other!  

The new era in the family is a little different. People these days are more scattered. Mama's and GrandMama's have to go to work. Daddy's have to work on the weekend. We can't go to my Mama's and have lunch every Sunday for Arleigh and Swayze to make their own memories, and it really stinks. The thought of me and Brock fighting over the last chicken leg at Maw Maws, creating mysteries in the scary closet, almost stepping on a rattlesnake, milking cows, gathering eggs, feeding goats, feeding our summer watermelon rinds to the hogs....the list for our "old" Sundays goes on and on. 

Or the fact that Arleigh can't just get off the bus at NanO's every day. She's not going to spend nearly as much time with her grandparents as I did throughout my childhood. Granny's was HOME for me. And it's not that we don't want Arleigh to grow up the old way, but for the fact that miles are between us now.

I learned to cook and put on a spread from Granny. I learned hospitality from Granny. I learned values and love from Granny. My secrets died when she did. Just like Josh learned everything from Pop. They were our neighbors and our grandparents. It was our own little island away from the world. When I'd run away from home, I'd run through the woods to my Granny. (And my Uncle Richard, too.) There we were perfect. There we were loved. There we got to be kids. Real kids, with no TV (oh the horror!). We'd get off the bus in the afternoon and be greeted with a special snack and half of one of Pop's canned cokes. On rainy days as a treat we would play in the junk room upstairs. We'd play dress up, store, library....or (my favorite role) Shirley Temple from the littlest princess. (With my pretend fire place while I read books on apple boxes.) And can you even imagine...My favorite books growing up - My granny's and my Mama's. I loved Nurse Cherry Ames, the old Nancy Drew, all of Laura Ingalls Wilder, Box Car Children, anything by Grace Livingston Hill or Louisa May Alcott. (I've often said I was born in the wrong era! Bet you didn't know that about me!) When it was pretty, we played in the barn, picked catawba worms, peas, or muscidimes, went fishing (but you better have Pop's permission), played behind the old chicken coop in our pretend play house that didn't exist. Or when we got older and would go down in the bottom, and cross a fallen tree to our little island in a washed out gully and play war with sling shots and find pieces of old bottles and broken china, because of course our island was the middle of an old dump. A whole different world from the way Arleigh gets to grow up now. A world most kids - and even adults today - have never seen. A world where you couldn't mow grass, fish or even hunt on Sundays. They were about church and family. A world where Grandmothers were always home, and always would stir up something special just for you...just because you were you. A world where you put on a spread every night for supper, because that was your gift to the family. It was a very different world, but a beautiful, much simpler world.

That's our biggest challenge as a family. How do you still let kids be kids? I didn't grow up with Mario Brothers. I grew up with a real brother.  We didn't have those kind of things.  How do you make sure family gets to still be family? How do you make sure that kids spend enough time with family to really understand where they came from and where they are going?

We're all a work in progress, aren't we. Figuring it out day by day. That's my challenge to myself for 2013. More family time, and then even more. We've only got one family, and I want Arleigh to know how important it really is to who you are as a person.  We're lucky, because my family is made up of pretty awesome individuals that would be great influences, in their own way, on Arleigh. I want her to be well rounded because she's made from a village of people. How do you do? Do you let others influence your child, or do you think it's all on you?

Learning from Pop

We've had a pretty great ride with parenthood so far. Arleigh is a great baby. She's a singer and a chatter box. And she's OH so sweet. And she loves her Daddy.  Minus the salmonella, allergies, snot and ear infections, she's been a breeze. And I have a prayer for her life. I want her to be like my Pop. Or grow in Christ even more than him.  And find a man who loves the Lord as much as him. It's the circle of life. It will be his legacy.

I'm not perfect. I'm FAR from it.  But at least I have fantastic role models that are leaving the right kind of legacy for me to follow. Not just my Mom and Granny, but my Pop.

Right now, as I type this out, my Pop is laying in the hospital in the comfort care (and according to his doctor) on his final few days. This afternoon, I'm headed to Columbus to be there for my Mama.

One of my favorite Pop stories is about when one of my aunts decided to run away. My mom's greatest memory of that time is that my Granddaddy stayed in his chair reading the Bible, not saying a word, the entire time she was gone.  That's the Pop I want the world to remember. That's the Pop that I want to remember. That's the kind of parent I want to be. That's the kind of man I want for Arleigh. That's the kind of man everyone needs in their life.

Pop's journey to becoming a Christian is pretty amazing too. I remember him telling his story about not  growing in Christ until they had Aunt Nancy, my Mom's special needs sister. In a age where babies who were different were locked away, they made the decision to turn their lives over to the Lord. How amazing is that? Instead of asking why, they made the decision to just change. Change for the better.  I will always remember him as a man who expected the best from me. But most importantly, my favorite memories are when he was growing older in life, you would always find him in his chair reading and studying God's word. Even on days as a child when he wasn't plowing, fishing, hunting, or working in his shop, you would find him studying his Sunday School lesson and learning. How else can you truly grow in Christ? I'm learning more and more that no books, people or life can teach you anything for certain. The Bible is the only truth on this earth. It's the best way to hear God. Pop knew that. I hope and pray  I can grow more like him. That's my prayer.

Truthfully, as hard as it is to say or even fathom, he's going to a MUCH better place. He's going to see Jesus and sit by God. This much I know. He's going to receive the riches of glory. He's going to see my Granny, and hopefully give her a big ole hug for me.  Part of me is so excited for him. Our  family transitioning to a new "family", without our patriarch, will be extremely difficult. Especially on my Mama, Aunts and Uncle, and my little brother.

I want to hold on to the memories. About the peppermints in his pockets on Sunday mornings for me to find when I sat beside him EVERY Sunday at church. Or P-O-P being the first word I could spell, and I remember spelling it for him over and over. How he aways had a real handkerchief. Letting us watch him in the shop or work with him in the garden as kids.  Picking muscidimes to eat and catawba worms for us to go fishing, or for him to sell the worms at the lake. Skinning deer and how you never ever want to bust the stomach. How he was a sharp shooter, but he couldn't stand war. And how he didn't want to talk about his military service. How he helped my Daddy build the camphouse, and how he truly believed it existed for family. He taught us that you never mow the yard or go fishing on Sundays. Sundays were about church and family. And as kids, we did just that. When we were younger we went "visiting" on Sundays. How he loved cashews and those orange circus peanuts. How he could be tough as nails, but it was only because he had high expectations. How he would pick me up at school or take me to the doctor when I was sick. (I called my Granny when I was little and at school sick, and my Pop always came to get me.) The delayed reaction when he would pick up the phone and say ............."Hello". How I remember his work jumpsuits he always wore, always navy or green. How he ALWAYS folded his pajamas and put them under his pillow. How he loved the outdoors and was so talented and (in my mind) could fix or do just about anything. He loved wood working and making things. How he grew up in a different time...and he still would hammer out bent nails or eat half a can of chicken noodle soup. How as a kid, his Coke was a treat, and you didn't dare drink one without permission. That you better keep the back porch door shut if the air conditioner was running. How he always had a dog. And he couldn't stand the cats. (Even though I loved them, and he ALWAYS had a bunch.) Cooking his supper and making his favorite white cake with chocolate icing, and lining up the pecans on top just like Granny taught me. How he would ride his 4-wheeler or walk through the woods to our house because he hadn't seen us that day.  Or as we grew older, because he heard we were were home. (But he wouldn't say that.) If we weren't at church, he would stop by to find out why.  And if Mama wasn't going for whatever rare reason, you ALWAYS had a ride to or from church. He let us be kids, but respectful kids. But don't dare slide down the stairs or play in Granny's junk room. :-) How he expected us to do right and act right. (Granny, on the other hand, would let me get away with murder.) How he always called me Sis as he grew older, and how he softened with age and loved kisses on the cheek. His silly Christmas socks and his bunch of ties. How he's taught the older men's Sunday school class as long as I've been alive. How he was always clean shaven until he started going down. Pop got to be there for my wedding. He met Arleigh. He had pizza with Clarence in our living room. Last Christmas, our Pop envelope was addressed to John, Penny, Clarence and Little Penny. How he gave CLARENCE a dollar at Christmas and had a sense of humor. How he STILL used his military issued razor. How he didn't loose his sharp-as-a-tack mind. How he called Arleigh his baby. It's almost if what I remember as my Andy Griffith Mayberry childhood is going too. I have so many awesome memories. He loved us. He loved family. All of us, even my crazy dog.  He even let Clarence in his house to visit.  Most importantly, he took his role as a Christian seriously.

The fact is, up until fall of last year, my Pop was still plowing fields and hunting at 89. This new life, of being confined indoors and not able to participate in life, just isn't him. It's selfish to want to hold him here when he can be back to plowing fields in heaven and sitting with God.

Last Saturday, I attended a bible study on leaving a legacy. When I think of the legacy I want to leave, I think of my Pop. It's the legacy he is leaving us with, and I want to leave at least as much with Arleigh. I pray that she remembers me as I will remember Pop.

With all the prayer requests, let me encourage your prayers in a different direction. Let me encourage you to pray for the souls he touched all these years to keep on reaching and teaching others to come and grow in Christ for generations to come. Let that be his legacy. Pray for peace as our family transitions one of our best to heaven.   Pray for God's will in this. Pray for us to never forget him as a man of God. Pray for all of us to be more like him, and in doing that, we will be grow closer to HIM.

1 Peter 1:3-5 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, who by God’s power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time.

Important realization today. Clarence (dog child) wouldn't get out of the tub and behaved like an angel. I'm thinking he's realizing that's his only chance at undivided Mama attention since his world was rocked by a baby. He's never really liked baths. I think Clarence may need a day vacation to the pet store since he's been such a good brother.    Mama is gonna have to do better remembering to love on my first child. At one more thing to the Mama balance beam.