Beginning a New Chapter

This new chapter in our lives has been a lonnnngggg time in the making. John starts full time with the post office on May 3! We're in our 11th year waiting, so our house is jumping for joy!

This means we finally get the benefits that come with his job at the post office, which are pretty darn fabulous, like most government jobs. Exciting stuff! Not to mention the pay raise. Hallelujah!

On a not so exciting note, we had another miscarriage this month. I'm beyond the point where we can beat around the bush about things like this. I'm fine, we're fine - It's just part of the journey.  This was another very early miscarriage, and unfortunately or fortunately these become easier and easier to deal with emotionally. I'm more sad that we didn't even really get excited. There are no celebrations when we get positive pregnancy tests anymore. That part kinda stinks, but I also know that it is God's way of guarding my heart.  I would like your prayers, though. This one has been harder on my body. Very draining and achy physically. I haven't even told anyone but John. I just don't like or want to talk about it. (It's WAY more fun to talk about the cute antics of my TWO year old.)  There's no good way to start this conversation. The benefit of living in this generation is taking early pregnancy tests. The downfall is taking early pregnancy tests. Twenty years ago I would have assumed it was just a two-week late period. Like I said, we're fine. Honestly.  Just needed to get that off my chest.

So if you are keeping track, here's what's happened so far:

BFP #1 - EDD March 4, 2011. MC. DNC August 2010.
BFP #2 - EDD March 4, 2012. Arleigh Olivia was born February 15, 2012.
BFP #3 - EDD January 17, 2014. MC at 7 Weeks.
BFP #4 - EDD December 27, 2014. MC at 6 Weeks.

Back to the fun stuff. I am excited about seeing what is next for our family. We've got our three year plan in motion to save, sell the house and make a decision about private or public school for AO. To my surprise, GORDO public high school has higher 11th grade test scores than any of the public city or county schools in Tuscaloosa. (Yes, I'm the nerd who makes spreadsheets from the data on greatschools.org.)  So the big debate of the moment in the Mansell house - do we relocate to Gordo or stay in Tuscaloosa and do private school?

The other option is moving to Gordo is doing PA, where my first two "nieces" Libby and Millie attend.  Lots of decision making and porch night conversations! Gordo is only a 25 minute drive from my office in Northport, which is quicker than the 40 minutes it takes me to get home in Hillcrest. The traffic on 69 south is HORRID! It would be a longer jaunt for Johnboy (40 minutes compared to his current 7), so we're still weighing all the pros and cons.   John would like AO to start and stay at the same school. I'm fine making changes up to about second grade. I'm a little concerned about the future in Gordo, but currently they seem to be doing a fantastic job. OF COURSE I will keep a check on these until we make a decision, but it's exciting to think that we are almost there!

I really have an old fixer-upper in my head, which is pretty much the only options if we head west. Or we can build, but the fixer-upper charm has my pinterest boards on FIRE.  The fact that we would be 45 minutes closer to my family, right near with John's, and about 15 minutes from my Aunt and Danielle, are HUGE factors in my mind. There is something about small town charm that is appealing.  And room for chickens. Who doesn't love chickens!!!!

It's a big time at the Mansells! Now I'm going back to pinning! :-)

So...We're having another baby...Or not

That got your attention didn't it. 

Well, it got ours, too.

This one is a personal one, so you can stop reading if you don't like girl-talk.

But....If you choose to read it.... Make sure you read it all, k?

Here we go.

We got out BFP (Big Fat Positive) last week and were OOOOooo so excited. We were pregnant! Four (all positive) pregnancy tests later, we were sure and  pumped. Told our parents this past weekend.  Due January 17, my mom's birthday. 23 Months apart. Perfect. Bought AO her very own big sister shirt to wear around the house, so it could sink in with me.  Even had time to teach her to touch my belly and say baby. (So ignore that one if she does it to you.) Close in age will hopefully mean they will be close sisters. Because I just know it's a girl. (Silly, I know.)  I was already dreaming of a girly tweeny craft/music room instead of play room, making potholders and playing with baby dolls instead of playing play station, and hot pink and turquoise. (If we ever have a boy it's going to ROCK my world.)

Lets back up to 2010. Our first positive pregnancy test. It took soooo long the first time. We weren't trying - not like going to the fertility doctor trying. But we most certainly were not using any pregnancy precautions; and I was monitoring all that girly stuff you can monitor on your own to get pregnant. If that makes any sense. Then we lost the baby. And I cried. A lot. John did the "what if" game. A lot. And we grew closer. Our marriage got so much stronger.  Then (EXACTLY a year later TO THE DAY, total God Thing) AO was conceived. And (thank goodness) she had lots of baby magic (GOD) dust and stuck.

 But we never "struggled" with fertility problems. That's a different and much more difficult struggle entirely. We are just one of the millions of (what I consider) normal folks who can't flip the switch and have a baby.   In my crazy, glass-half-full way of thinking, I'm glad I never have to worry with birth control.

Back to the story.

So, last week, I made my doctor's appointments and signed up for blood work.

Then, Tuesday night, the bleeding started. Not to get too personal, but you can bleed pregnant. It's actually quite common. I never did with either of the past two pregnancies. Maybe a little spot, but this wasn't normal. It was worse than a regular cycle. The kind that wakes you up from dead asleep because you can feel it, not normal. (Sorry for the TMI!)

Long story short, we called the doctor, who suggested we come right in to the office. They wanted to do blood work and check the HCG levels.

Trying to get blood.  Not pleasant. 10 DIGGING sticks searching for a vein - even with the butterfly, the old timey syringe, 3 LPNs and 2 Lab Techs later for one itty bitty vial of blood out of the back of my wrist. That tender spot was the last resort, with the hospital lab expert they called in specifically to stick me. I seriously thought they would stick my foot any minute.  (In case you were wondering, I'm sore to match my black and blue today.) I was thanking my Granny again for her tiny, rolling, deep veins I inherited.

Later the same day, we got the dreaded phone call. "Your HCG levels are low. You need to come in tomorrow. It's really to early to make any conclusions, and Dr. E wants to do blood work again tomorrow." Heard that before. Like a 47 HCG at 6 weeks way too low. I knew exactly what this meant.  I keep up with these things. I knew my LMP and the conception date. This kinda bleeding with that number?

Possible miscarriage. Impending miscarriage. Whatever you want to call it.  But in my heart of hearts, I already knew the answer. I know what this means.

All I can say about this time... I thank GOD that this has been a faster process than last time. And that evidently getting pregnant wasn't as hard this time. (That's a bigggg whoopieeee!!! If you have ever struggled, you know what I mean.)  It's just staying pregnant that is the trouble.  And I am SO thankful that my body naturally miscarried (at least we're 90% sure) so that we don't have to go through the horrible waiting and waiting and DNC process. That part...where your brain plays tricks on you and you search online aimlessly for hours even though you know in your gut the truth....it is painful. Ultrasounds, bloodwork, more ultrasounds, misoprostol, then DNC, then more blood work drawn out over weeks so a quick closure is impossible. 

The only thing to do this time - keep getting blood draws until the HCG is zero. That I can handle. 

The God-given peace is SO extremely comforting this time. I don't have false hope. And I am so thankful for the peace.  I know it's better for me physically and emotionally. The first miscarriage was confusing, long, drawn-out and scary. This one - not so much.  I had another close friend go through one recently. And then, there's my bestie Kimberly's story.  Makes my little bitty suffering so much simpler.  And thinking about her pain makes mine hurt so much less. I truly don't know that kind of hurt and pain.  I have a child. I don't have a reason to make myself suffer this time. I am truly ok.

 Most people don't like talking about these type things. And I get it. It's personal. So very personal. But for whatever reason, it makes it easier for me to put it all out there. Plus, by putting it out there you get all the folks who tell you it happened to them. Which believe me, is a lot of people. When I think of my close circle, 75% have had a pregnancy loss of some kind. Blighted ovum, ectopic, molar. It happens, and it is extremely common. Maybe my thought is that by talking about loss, we up the chances that some girl out there will hear about it BEFORE it happens to her for the first time. Because that first time is the worst. So she's not so shocked and can handle it better. So she knows it is absolutely normal. Maybe, just maybe.

Or maybe it's more selfish. Maybe then we won't get the "so when are you having another?" questions, which I DREAD. If you aren't in my innermost circle, you don't get to ask that question. I hated it before Arleigh, too. I always want so bad to say (for 6 years before AO) "When God wants a baby to stick and grow in my uterus, you numb-skull."  (Not the most Christian like response, I realize.)  What do people think, anyway? What do you expect the answer to be? You want me to pull out my iphone tracker so you can see my ovulation cycle? (Sorry, I can be a little much at times.) If you are in the circle, you know all of this anyway.  So if you have friends going through this, for goodness sake be delicate on how you approach this situation.

I'm headed to go cuddle my precious (and ohhh so sweet) Arleigh right now. It's like she's extra cuddly just for me. :-)  My heart is definitely full with her. But there also seems to be a piece of our family that is missing. It's hard to explain. I'm just still torn on how the other piece of the family will fit. If you know us, you know I am oh-so-pro adoption. We have very precious members of our family and church who have adopted domestically and internationally - some because of fertility issues and some because they had that calling. But John has this idea that his kids are all biological. In my heart I know God will change his heart if it needs changing. Only God knows our game plan.  Maybe we'll be pregnant again in no time. Maybe God will make my family complete as it is in my heart. I'm not going to stress about it. That's all in God's plan. Just gotta trust it. 

The peace you feel when you just let go. That peace, the sweet relief that only comes from Him...I'm enjoying it. And I refuse to let this little bump in the road take my joy. I'm going to use it to draw closer. This life is way to short to spend it miserable.  So now you know. I really am okay with all this. 

Later Gators.  I'll leave you with this. Another Jesus Calling. Don't you just love it? There is something so comforting about Jesus talking directly with you. And I love this one. It's especially true right now. This one hits home. It's so hard to have this kind of trust and faith, isn't it? Trying to tell the human brain to not worry? But He loves us THAT much.

I, the Creator of the universe, am with you and for you. What more could you need? When you feel some lack, it is because you are not connecting with Me at a deep level. I offer abundant Life; your part is to trust Me, refusing to worry about anything.

It is not so much adverse events that make you anxious as it is your thoughts about those events. Your mind engages in efforts to take control of a situation, to bring about the result you desire. Your thoughts close in on the problem like ravenous wolves. Determined to make things go your way, you forget that I am in charge of your life. The only remedy is to switch your focus from the problem to My Presence. Stop all your striving, and watch to see what I will do. I am the Lord!

What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?
—Romans 8:31–32

But as for me, I watch in hope for the Lord, I wait for God my Savior; my God will hear me.
—Micah 7:7


Happy Memorial Day weekend to you and yours.

My Two Kids - Dog is Baby's Best Friend

I wasn't so sure how Clarence would be with a baby sister. He's a dog (shhh!) after all. 

When AO came home from the hospital, he was automatically a good kind of protective. He'd get between anyone new and her baby bed. (But not in a mean way..In a good, "let me check you out" kinda way.) 

He'd go up and lick her face when she'd cry. (And it worked...she would stop.)  That doesn't work now, but they've moved on.

Now they play together. 

Meet Clarence. Also known as Arleigh's favorite chair. 

 

He's the first one to wake her up in the morning. He plows past me pushing open the door and gate into her room and starts huffing, whining and spinning in circles until she wakes up. He also licks her face and feet or whatever body part he can reach through the crib bars. (He's REALLY happy to see her.) This little trick is not so adorable when Clarence thinks she's napped or slept long enough, and HE decides it's time to wake her. It happens, too, unfortunately for Mama. His parents aren't exciting enough now that AO is in his world.

AO kisses Clarence and gives him real hugs. Probably 10x as many as she gives her Mama and Daddy. I wish I were joking, because I would LOVE some of that TLC from my kiddo.  And they are just sporadic. She randomly goes up and plants a big ole kiss on his shiny wet nose. The hugs are pretty precious, too. Maybe I should spend more time down on her level. (I'm jealous, can you tell?)

They play a mean game of keep away. Clarence keeps something and runs from AO, AO gets something and runs giggling hysterically from Clarence. This goes on for what seems like hours.Sometimes concluding with a tug-a-war game and the parents intervening. Bless it.

AO is concerned about Clarence's nutrition, so she feeds him from her highchair. Sometime he even wears the food because she's flinging it so fast. She also shares her snacks. She doesn't understand why she can't play in his food or water, though.  We've even caught her licking her tray like Clarence does. Yuck. Not much for southern manners and grace, there, honey. Cuts down on the silverware, though.

We take her toys away from Clarence, AO immediately gives it back to him. Same way with him. We take his toys from her, He picks it up and drops it at her feet.  At least she is really learning to share. They have a "what's mine is his" kinda friendship.

She rubs his belly. He nuzzles hers and makes her roll over. And PUSHES her over while she's laughing.  He gooses her with the big black nose. Again, she giggles hysterically.

He lays on the bathroom floor when she takes a bath and gets ready for bed.

He's the last one out of her room when she goes to bed at night. (EVERY. SINGLE. NIGHT.) 

Did I mention they were best friends? Like, Seriously.

From the beginning, we let them find their own way to mesh together. We haven't pushed it. And we haven't discouraged it. There are times when we have to tell Clarence to be gentle, or slow down. Same goes for Arleigh O. (HE LOVES running beside her in the hall and goosing her into the wall. And she HATES it. That's her least favorite game. The "Clarence is so excited to see me he knocks me into the wall" game. She's not a fan. Neither is her Mama. Just like she has to be closely watched rubbing the belly, because she's pulled parts that shouldn't be touched on ANY creature.)  But the majority of the time, they mesh so well together, they don't need intervention. Of course we watch them very closely, because he's still (gasp) a dog.  That's the best advice I can give on the dog-baby relationship. Let them do what comes natural if it's safe. Even the (icky) licking and kisses. Just let them be. Clarence is a very gentle-natured dog. And we do trust him. But safely monitoring the trust.

I never thought I would be an inside-the-house dog person. But he's Clarence. And he's the best rescued from a gutter-mutt-black-dog-child-brother on the planet.

25 Ways to be a great mom

I can't take credit for this one. Someone posted this on facebook and it was too good not to share. 


25 RULES FOR MOTHERS OF DAUGHTERS

1. Paint her nails. Then let her scratch it off and dirty them up. Teach her to care about her appearance, and then quickly remind her that living and having fun is most important.

2. Let her put on your makeup, even if it means bright-red-smudged lips and streaked-blue eyes. Let her experiment in her attempts to be like you…then let her be herself.

3. Let her be wild. She may want to stay home and read books on the couch, or she may want to hop on the back of a motorcycle-gasp. She may be a homebody or a traveler. She may fall in love with the wrong boy, or meet mr. right at age 5. Try to remember that you were her age once. Everyone makes mistakes, let her make her own.

4. Be present. Be there for her at her Kindergarten performances, her dance recitals, her soccer games…her everyday-little-moments. When she looks through the crowds of people, she will be looking for your smile and pride. Show it to her as often as possible.

5. Encourage her to try on your shoes and play dress-up. If she would rather wear her brother’s superman cape with high heals, allow it. If she wants to wear a tutu or dinosaur costume to the grocery store, why stop her? She needs to decide who she is and be confident in her decision.

6. Teach her to be independent. Show her by example that woman can be strong. Find and follow your own passions. Search for outlets of expression and enjoyment for yourself- not just your husband or children. Define yourself by your own attributes, not by what others expect you to be. Know who you are as a person, and help your daughter find out who she is.

7. Pick flowers with her. Put them in her hair. There is nothing more beautiful than a girl and a flower.

8. Let her get messy. Get messy with her, no matter how much it makes you cringe inside. Splash in the puddles, throw snowballs, make mud pies, finger paint the walls: just let it happen. The most wonderful of memories are often the messy ones.

9. Give her good role models- you being one of them. Introduce her to successful woman- friends, co-workers, doctors, astronauts, or authors. Read to her about influential woman- Eleanor Roosevelt, Rosa Parks, Marie Curie. Read her the words of inspirational woman- Jane Austen, Sylvia Plath, Emily Dickinson. She should know that anything is possible.

10. Show her affection. Daughters will mimic the compassion of their mother. “I love yous” and Eskimo kisses go a long way.

11. Hold her hand. Whether she is 3 years-old in the parking lot or sixteen years old in the mall, hold on to her always- this will teach her to be confident in herself and proud of her family.

12. Believe in her. It is the moments that she does not believe in herself that she will need you to believe enough for both of you. Whether it is a spelling test in the first grade, a big game or recital, a first date, or the first day of college…remind her of the independent and capable woman you have taught her to be.

13. Tell her how beautiful she is. Whether it is her first day of Kindergarten, immediately after a soccer game where she is grass-stained and sweaty, or her wedding day. She needs your reminders. She needs your pride. She needs your reassurance. She is only human.

14. Love her father. Teach her to love a good man, like him. One who lets her be herself…she is after all wonderful.

15. Make forts with boxes and blankets. Help her to find magic in the ordinary, to imagine, to create and to believe in fairy tales. Someday she will make her 5 by 5 dorm-room her home with magic touches and inspiration. And she will fall in love with a boy and believe him to be Prince Charming.

16. Read to her. Read her Dr. Seuss and Eric Carle. But also remember the power of Sylvia Plath and Robert Frost. Show her the beauty of words on a page and let her see you enjoy them. Words can be simply written and simply spoken, yet can harvest so much meaning. Help her to find their meaning.

17. Teach her how to love- with passion and kisses. Love her passionately. Love her father passionately and her siblings passionately. Express your love. Show her how to love with no restraint. Let her get her heart broken and try again. Let her cry, and gush, giggle and scream. She will love like you love or hate like you hate. So, choose love for both you and her.

18. Encourage her to dance and sing. Dance and sing with her- even if it sounds or looks horrible. Let her wiggle to nursery rhymes. Let her dance on her daddy's feet and spin in your arms. Then later, let her blast noise and headbang in her bedroom with her door shut if she wants. Or karaoke to Tom Petty in the living room if she would rather. Introduce her to the classics- like The Beatles- and listen to her latest favorite- like Taylor Swift. Share the magic of music together, it will bring you closer- or at least create a soundtrack to your life together.

19. Share secrets together. Communicate. Talk. Talk about anything. Let her tell you about boys, friends, school. Listen. Ask questions. Share dreams, hopes, concerns. She is not only your daughter, you are not only her mother. Be her friend too.

20. Teach her manners. Because sometimes you have to be her mother, not just her friend. The world is a happier place when made up of polite words and smiles.

21. Teach her when to stand-up and when to walk away. Whether she has classmates who tease her because of her glasses, or a boyfriend who tells her she is too fat - let her know she does not have to listen. Make sure she knows how to demand respect - she is worthy of it. It does not mean she has to fight back with fists or words, because sometimes you say more with silence. Also make sure she knows which battles are worth fighting. Remind her that some people can be mean and nasty because of jealousy, or other personal reasons. Help her to understand when to shut her mouth and walk-away. Teach her to be the better person.

22. Let her choose who she loves. Even when you see through the charming boy she thinks he is, let her love him without your disapproving words; she will anyway. When he breaks her heart, be there for her with words of support rather than I told-you-so. Let her mess up again and again until she finds the one. And when she finds the one, tell her.

23. Mother her. Being a mother - to her - is undoubtedly one of your greatest accomplishments. Share with her the joys of motherhood, so one day she will want to be a mother too. Remind her over and over again with words and kisses that no one will ever love her like you love her. No one can replace or replicate a mother's love for their children.

24. Comfort her. Because sometimes you just need your mommy. When she is sick, rub her back, make her soup and cover her in blankets - no matter how old she is. Someday, if she is giving birth to her own child, push her hair out of her face, encourage her, and tell her how beautiful she is. These are the moments she will remember you for. And someday when her husband rubs her back in attempt to comfort her...she may just whisper, "I need my mommy."

25. Be home. When she is sick with a cold or broken heart, she will come to you; welcome her. When she is engaged or pregnant, she will run to you to share her news; embrace her. When she is lost or confused, she will search for you; find her. When she needs advice on boys, schools, friends or an outfit; tell her. She is your daughter and will always need a safe harbor - where she can turn a key to see comforting eyes and a familiar smile; be home.

Arleigh O Update - and 14 Month List of Words

(Disclaimer - I am not keeping up with AO's baby book, so I've printed these little updates out for our reference. Just so you know.)

Well it was a busy first year at the Mansell's. Arleigh O is a pretty fabulous kid. We had a very easy first year, with the small exception of our Salmonella episode around 4-5 months. But we kept our cool, and we all survived without a scratch.

Now we're really starting to see AO take off with development. Especially vocabulary. She's really quick on her feet now as well. She doesn't really have a slow motion, which I'm sure is pretty accurate for most 14 month olds.  She loves climbing up and down steps - Shes figured out she needs to sit first, turn around and scoot backwards. She loves peek-a-boo and hide and seek. And she loves her patty-cake. Her roll-it-up trips me out!  She can throw a ball (the both hands over the head throw) and loves playing keep away with Clarence. Her favorite foods are English peas and The Chicken Salad Chic Scotty chicken salad. She loves that stuff. She also loves fish and ketchup, and garlic bread. Her go to meal if she isn't eating well is cheese toast and bananas. She absolutely loves mandarin oranges and peaches, but we've had to cut out a lot of acidic fruit because it really messes with her bottom.

Moving right along ----

NanO and Auntie Rose have forbidden the use of baby talk in our house, which probably explains why we have so many words. Plus we have conversations with AO. And we have from the beginning. We ask her questions and pause for her response. Even as tiny baby. And now, she won't hush, lol. She's usually so good and quiet when we are out. But at home when she's in her comfort zone, the kid can get LOUD. I declare sometimes she sounds like she's cursing us in baby, she seems so determined to say what she's saying. She's a mess.

Now at 14 months (which she turned yesterday), her vocabulary is REALLY taking off! John and I keep a running list of her words. I put an * by the ones she uses repeatedly in the correct context. Others are more sporadic.

• Da-da or Daddy*
• Ma-ma*
• Bye-Bye*
• Thank You (Dank Choo)* As funny as it sounds, this was one of her first words. Our ped thought we were crazy when we told him at her one year checkup. She says this one ALL the time. When she handed me the june-bug beetle yesterday, she said Dank Choo.
• Night-night (Non-Non)*
• Bath (Baff)*
• Please (Ease)
• Hey* (It's very much like the Fonz...Haaaaaaay)
• There (Dare)*
• Arleigh (Ahhhhleee. It's pretty darn cute.)
• Look (Dook) This one is her new favorite*
• Uh-Oh or Ruhh-Roh*
• Duck (Uck)*
• Quack (Ack)
• I Got (I Ga)
• Papa*
• JuJu
• NanO (Na Na)
• Libby (Bib-Bi)
• Millie (Mil)
• Clarence (Larra)
• Outside (Doutside)
• Ball
• Dog
• More (Mo)*
• Baby*
• No-No*
• Yes (Ess)*
• Come On (M'on)*
• Lion (Ion)
• Bubbles
• Bottle (Ba-ba)*
• Water (Wa-Wa)*

I'm sure there are more we are forgetting. Or we haven't translated yet.


What's really funny - it's not her vocabulary that is impressive to others. It's her fine motor skills. I can attribute a lot of this to letting her use her fingers to eat from about 6-7 months on. Just do it. It makes a huge mess, but they love it! And her whistle...Now seeing that is a hoot! 

On a side note, Arleigh has been bitten twice (confirmed) at day care, and two more times where it wasn't observed but from the marks we suspected biting. I've taught daycare and been around kids. Unfortunately, sometimes it's how kids communicate. It's part of the frustrations of not being able to speak yet having so much to say. I did call Mrs. T just to make sure AO wasn't the instigator, and in the last situation, they were just playing in a pile having a good ol' time when one little boy decided he was an alligator. Big sigh. But I also know AO is a bit of a rough player. She's the kid that runs up to a friend, snatches the passy, and runs like a thief in the night laughing the whole way. It's a game to her. I've seen her do it with Clarence. But at least there she's met her match. Sooo....There is a lot of growing up that will take place over the next year as they all sort out how to properly communicate. She's also a hair puller. Makes since. She can destroy a pretty hair bow in about 15 seconds when it's discovered. And yank out the pony tail in the process. Problem is...I think she may be doing it to friends, too. Big sigh. And no, I am NOT going to teach my kid to bite or hit back. She'll end up shoving them in the play oven again on her own time. Bless it. She's such a little tomboy. Skint up knees and mud-puddles Saturday, picking up bugs yesterday. Not a whiner either. Just a tough cookie who keeps on trucking.

Discipline wise, we have started using a time out method at home, which surprisingly has worked. She's really only been in trouble at home for playing in Clarence's food and water. (Which is Clarence's domain, and could turn into a dangerous situation.) One Saturday she was in it repeatedly. I held her arms down facing the corner and counted out loud to forty as a time out method. It took three times that day, but she hasn't been back in his bowls yet. Yes, it probably is a little young. But it worked. Now she can walk towards it, I can say No, she jumps and RUNS in the opposite direction. Whereas before, she didn't pay me ANY attention when I said No. I don't necessarily like the popping idea just yet. I popped her one time for playing in an electrical outlet after being warned. She didn't cry, but she looked at me like I was crazy. It's not for us.  But we do grab her little hands and hold them when she does something naughty and tell her No ___. (Like throwing food on the floor or pinching or hitting.) It gets her attention WAY more effectively than a pop did. She looses control of the situation, which she can not stand. Of course it's followed by cuddles and kisses. Usually sloppy,  just eaten and made a massive mess hugs. (Gross, but I'll take whatever I can get.)

I gotta say, this toddler era is pretty exciting! It most certainly keeps us on our toes!
Did you know that it takes 12 hair washing episodes and three days to get Aquaphor out of a baby's hair? Ummhuh. Just ask Arleigh. We finally pulled out the dawn dish washing detergent. It's some tough stuff. Sunday morning right after we got up and were getting ready for church. That would be why we didn't make it. She was a HOT MESS. Toddler hood. I think you can tell we're in for a wild ride. :-)

But she's a sweet hot mess. Most parents DREAD bedtime. Now, we do bed right after bath time. It's straight into our PJs for prayers and night-night time. She kisses her Clarence dog on her mobile from Aunt Rosie, gets under her blanket and kisses her doll. We sing the Barney song (she has no clue who Barney even is yet) and then Mama leaves. You know what my kid does when I leave her room? Waves and tells me bye-bye, night-night and then gets the giggles. No bottle necessary. She really is such a sweetiepie.  Eat. Her. Up.

I am that Mom - THE FIRST YEAR

My surrogate big sis from college McCall over at Finding our Way --- Lee, Me and the Girls is doing a series called I am that Mom. It has me thinking. What kind of (albeit new) mom am I? Where have I succeeded in this first year and what would I do differently? There's no failure with new moms, just survival mode.

First, I am that Mama who thinks I have the prettiest baby on the planet. I know, I know. Moving right along.

I am that mom who let the list of expectations about motherhood fly out the window even before Arleigh arrived. Failed expectations (for myself, the hubs, new baby, or even the grandparents) could leave me feeling hurt, and there is no point in having pitty parties with a baby at home. I set my expectations low. Really low. (Thank goodness for a Mama who knows when I need a massive dose of reality.)  When you end up in the hospital a month earlier than expected and you come home with a baby (to a nursery your family had to pull together) after an unexpected c-section, you realize real quick there is no point in having expectations. Honey, it's about survival.  We've had a pretty crazy first year. Her early arrival, c-section, NICU, breast feeding not working, salmonella, her acid burnt bottom, 6 months of runny noses, 5 months of ear infections leading to ear tubes, low iron...but yet, when I look back on it, it was absolutely nothing compared to what some Mamas face. Absolutely nothing. You have to laugh about it and keep on trucking. I'm just thankful we've (almost) made it through the first year without any major issues. She's a statistic (4 in Alabama) on the CDC website for Newport Salmonella outbreak of 2012. Way crazy, yes?

When your 75 year old neighbor says her child slept through the night when they came home from the hospital, I am that mom who laughs in the face of said elderly neighbor. (Not very nice, I realize.) Don't believe the "my baby slept at so and so" hype. One, itty bitty newborns need to feed. Two, their version of night may be 4 hours, or they may not remember. I am that mom that lets her baby cry at night if I know she is full and fine. Not a ridiculous amount (although probably ridiculous for some of those never cry parent types), and not when she was teeny-tiny. It did help put her on a schedule early.

Although now, I am that mom that wishes my baby was still getting up at night, because I miss all the quiet moments with her on my shoulder. All the moments you wish away you wish back once that period of babyhood is over.  And you may even wish for her to occasionally feel just sick enough to want to lay her head on your shoulder. That said....

I am that mom that will intentionally wake up my sleeping baby because as a working Mama, I don't get enough time with her. Even with Arleigh 11 months old, I get all sad thinking about her as a bitty baby 6 or more months ago, when she needed me at night to come to her rescue with that bottle. Or just needed me. That phase ended so quickly. It's a catch-22. You want them to sleep on a schedule, but yet you miss their sweet smelling squishy baby goodness when they don't need you. She's so incredibly independent. Scares me a little. Even when I wake her, she is NOT Miss Cuddly Sweetness. With all 4 of us piled in our king size bed, she's my wild little 11 month old, gigglying loudly, crawling and sliding off of Clarence (the 80 pound lab-brother), bouncing up and down at the end of the bed, climbing the headboard,  sticking her fingers up her Daddy's snoring nose, or sticking her fingers in my mouth to inspect all my teeth. (She's always on an adventure!)
 
I am that mom that wishes I could do better at prioritizing my life and spending time with family. I have a bad, bad, habit of over scheduling my life, and John and Arleigh are the ones that are missing out because of it. They need me.  Prime example - I'll be in the grocery store picking up some kind of fabulousness for an over the top menu with family or friends. When truthfully, they would be just fine with pizza. They all need my time. Not just my time as a Mama, but my time as a wife, daughter, or a friend.

I am that mom that didn't do a great - or even good - job of making church a top priority for our family this year. We fell out of the habit again, and with John working on Saturday, we let Sundays become our family rest/together day, and didn't really give ourselves a day for church family. Arleigh does great at church - mainly because it's the same place she goes to school, so I can't blame this one on her. Bad habit that needs breaking. If you haven't read Angela Thomas's 52 Things Kids Need from a Mom, it's a must read.  I evidently need to read it again. Mainly the part about....scratch that. ALL of it.
 
I am that mom that gets jealous of the time Arleigh gets to spend with her Daddy, and the time Daddy gets to spend with Arleigh. This one is hard for me. I take Arleigh to school in the morning, and her Daddy gets to pick her up noonish and spends all afternoon with her until I get home. Because I'm a working mama, sometimes I don't get home until bath and bedtime. (Which is why I sometimes wake up my sleeping baby.) John gets so much more time with her, which makes me so sad because I miss out. I'm thrilled they have a great relationship and he's an awesome daddy. But I do wish it was me who got to be all motherly.

I am that mom that tries really hard to stop and capture memories. And not memories for Arleigh. Memories for myself and John.  I really thought you had kids so you could revert back to silliness and go to the zoo whenever you want. If it's not, I am so confused. I get the raising your own kids to be outstanding adults, Christian leaders, and citizens part, too. But I'm after the fun factor. :-) We've got a long life after she's grown to have a clean, organized house.  My mom is the one who told me this bit of news. One day, you are going to look back and realize it's about making memories for yourself as much as it is for them.

I am that mom that will let you borrow my baby to make your own memories. I've tried really hard to be generous to those who want to spend time with Arleigh outside our home during this first year. She's spent the night with other family already, and typically if someone wants to keep or see her we've made it work out. From our own experiences, it's really easy for new parents to shelter your baby - even unintentionally - from family, which can make them feel shut out, unloved and undervalued. (I can speak from experience on this, even when you don't mean to do it, it hurts.)  I'm trying really hard to let Arleigh develop her own special relationships with extended family members, and let extended family feel like an important part of her life. This doesn't come naturally; you have to work at it. Especially when you have multiple sides to the family. But I have to remember she's part of everyone who's a part of me, and they need to have time with her, too.

That being said, I am that mom who has to bite my tongue a LOT. Because I do value the relationships in our lives, I try to play the role of diplomat a little too much.  Although she is MY baby, and she came from MY womb, some folks feel like she is THEIR baby. (Ok, so I guess I did need to get that off of my chest after all.) This is one of the few things that has left me in tears this first year. It's so hard knowing that you are the new mom and you think know what's right for your child, yet sometimes you feel like you are standing in the middle of a school of fish moving in the opposite direction. I think most moms get a taste of this at some point or another. What do new Mama's who think they are right do? What they know is best and put in ear plugs for the rest.  I'm definitely learning that what I may view as all out defiance from some folks against my wishes is simply a gigantic misunderstanding.  Just keep the peace....someone has to do it. Moving right along....

I am that mom who is most definitely still learning and growing. It's a challenge and an adventure. But she's loved. So very, very, loved. And she's absolutely adorable. Did I mention that part?

How are you doing on Mommyhood? What did you wish away with your babies that you wanted back?

Family Really is Everything

In order to know where we are in life, sometimes you need to know where we've been for it all to make sense. 

For the first years or so of my life, Christmas eves were spent at my MawMaw and PawPaw's, opening presents from Aunts and Uncles and watching for Rudolph's nose in the sky with Uncle Bruce. Once the Sansing family started changing generational hands, my Daddy took it upon himself to make sure we keep the traditions alive. Now we meet for Sansing Christmas at the Camp. 

For the past 33 Christmases, I've gone to my Pop and Granny's on Christmas day.  Junkin Christmas was a little different this year, too. We had it early, at my Mama's house. There were no traditional pictures in front of the tree with unintentionally coordinated outfits. It was different, but a good different. It's a hard pill to swallow when generations and patriarchs leave. But, I am ever-so-thankful that both sides of my family view family togetherness and family relationships as the most important thing in life.  They really do. I'm closer to some of my second and third cousins than most people are to their first cousins. Some of my first cousins (that's you Danielle and Brock) are more like siblings to me. And we're closer than most siblings. And to us, it's absolutely normal.  Family is the only way to keep tradition and family values alive. We actually love each other....and for the most part, (GASP) actually really like each other!  

The new era in the family is a little different. People these days are more scattered. Mama's and GrandMama's have to go to work. Daddy's have to work on the weekend. We can't go to my Mama's and have lunch every Sunday for Arleigh and Swayze to make their own memories, and it really stinks. The thought of me and Brock fighting over the last chicken leg at Maw Maws, creating mysteries in the scary closet, almost stepping on a rattlesnake, milking cows, gathering eggs, feeding goats, feeding our summer watermelon rinds to the hogs....the list for our "old" Sundays goes on and on. 

Or the fact that Arleigh can't just get off the bus at NanO's every day. She's not going to spend nearly as much time with her grandparents as I did throughout my childhood. Granny's was HOME for me. And it's not that we don't want Arleigh to grow up the old way, but for the fact that miles are between us now.

I learned to cook and put on a spread from Granny. I learned hospitality from Granny. I learned values and love from Granny. My secrets died when she did. Just like Josh learned everything from Pop. They were our neighbors and our grandparents. It was our own little island away from the world. When I'd run away from home, I'd run through the woods to my Granny. (And my Uncle Richard, too.) There we were perfect. There we were loved. There we got to be kids. Real kids, with no TV (oh the horror!). We'd get off the bus in the afternoon and be greeted with a special snack and half of one of Pop's canned cokes. On rainy days as a treat we would play in the junk room upstairs. We'd play dress up, store, library....or (my favorite role) Shirley Temple from the littlest princess. (With my pretend fire place while I read books on apple boxes.) And can you even imagine...My favorite books growing up - My granny's and my Mama's. I loved Nurse Cherry Ames, the old Nancy Drew, all of Laura Ingalls Wilder, Box Car Children, anything by Grace Livingston Hill or Louisa May Alcott. (I've often said I was born in the wrong era! Bet you didn't know that about me!) When it was pretty, we played in the barn, picked catawba worms, peas, or muscidimes, went fishing (but you better have Pop's permission), played behind the old chicken coop in our pretend play house that didn't exist. Or when we got older and would go down in the bottom, and cross a fallen tree to our little island in a washed out gully and play war with sling shots and find pieces of old bottles and broken china, because of course our island was the middle of an old dump. A whole different world from the way Arleigh gets to grow up now. A world most kids - and even adults today - have never seen. A world where you couldn't mow grass, fish or even hunt on Sundays. They were about church and family. A world where Grandmothers were always home, and always would stir up something special just for you...just because you were you. A world where you put on a spread every night for supper, because that was your gift to the family. It was a very different world, but a beautiful, much simpler world.

That's our biggest challenge as a family. How do you still let kids be kids? I didn't grow up with Mario Brothers. I grew up with a real brother.  We didn't have those kind of things.  How do you make sure family gets to still be family? How do you make sure that kids spend enough time with family to really understand where they came from and where they are going?

We're all a work in progress, aren't we. Figuring it out day by day. That's my challenge to myself for 2013. More family time, and then even more. We've only got one family, and I want Arleigh to know how important it really is to who you are as a person.  We're lucky, because my family is made up of pretty awesome individuals that would be great influences, in their own way, on Arleigh. I want her to be well rounded because she's made from a village of people. How do you do? Do you let others influence your child, or do you think it's all on you?

Learning from Pop

We've had a pretty great ride with parenthood so far. Arleigh is a great baby. She's a singer and a chatter box. And she's OH so sweet. And she loves her Daddy.  Minus the salmonella, allergies, snot and ear infections, she's been a breeze. And I have a prayer for her life. I want her to be like my Pop. Or grow in Christ even more than him.  And find a man who loves the Lord as much as him. It's the circle of life. It will be his legacy.

I'm not perfect. I'm FAR from it.  But at least I have fantastic role models that are leaving the right kind of legacy for me to follow. Not just my Mom and Granny, but my Pop.

Right now, as I type this out, my Pop is laying in the hospital in the comfort care (and according to his doctor) on his final few days. This afternoon, I'm headed to Columbus to be there for my Mama.

One of my favorite Pop stories is about when one of my aunts decided to run away. My mom's greatest memory of that time is that my Granddaddy stayed in his chair reading the Bible, not saying a word, the entire time she was gone.  That's the Pop I want the world to remember. That's the Pop that I want to remember. That's the kind of parent I want to be. That's the kind of man I want for Arleigh. That's the kind of man everyone needs in their life.

Pop's journey to becoming a Christian is pretty amazing too. I remember him telling his story about not  growing in Christ until they had Aunt Nancy, my Mom's special needs sister. In a age where babies who were different were locked away, they made the decision to turn their lives over to the Lord. How amazing is that? Instead of asking why, they made the decision to just change. Change for the better.  I will always remember him as a man who expected the best from me. But most importantly, my favorite memories are when he was growing older in life, you would always find him in his chair reading and studying God's word. Even on days as a child when he wasn't plowing, fishing, hunting, or working in his shop, you would find him studying his Sunday School lesson and learning. How else can you truly grow in Christ? I'm learning more and more that no books, people or life can teach you anything for certain. The Bible is the only truth on this earth. It's the best way to hear God. Pop knew that. I hope and pray  I can grow more like him. That's my prayer.

Truthfully, as hard as it is to say or even fathom, he's going to a MUCH better place. He's going to see Jesus and sit by God. This much I know. He's going to receive the riches of glory. He's going to see my Granny, and hopefully give her a big ole hug for me.  Part of me is so excited for him. Our  family transitioning to a new "family", without our patriarch, will be extremely difficult. Especially on my Mama, Aunts and Uncle, and my little brother.

I want to hold on to the memories. About the peppermints in his pockets on Sunday mornings for me to find when I sat beside him EVERY Sunday at church. Or P-O-P being the first word I could spell, and I remember spelling it for him over and over. How he aways had a real handkerchief. Letting us watch him in the shop or work with him in the garden as kids.  Picking muscidimes to eat and catawba worms for us to go fishing, or for him to sell the worms at the lake. Skinning deer and how you never ever want to bust the stomach. How he was a sharp shooter, but he couldn't stand war. And how he didn't want to talk about his military service. How he helped my Daddy build the camphouse, and how he truly believed it existed for family. He taught us that you never mow the yard or go fishing on Sundays. Sundays were about church and family. And as kids, we did just that. When we were younger we went "visiting" on Sundays. How he loved cashews and those orange circus peanuts. How he could be tough as nails, but it was only because he had high expectations. How he would pick me up at school or take me to the doctor when I was sick. (I called my Granny when I was little and at school sick, and my Pop always came to get me.) The delayed reaction when he would pick up the phone and say ............."Hello". How I remember his work jumpsuits he always wore, always navy or green. How he ALWAYS folded his pajamas and put them under his pillow. How he loved the outdoors and was so talented and (in my mind) could fix or do just about anything. He loved wood working and making things. How he grew up in a different time...and he still would hammer out bent nails or eat half a can of chicken noodle soup. How as a kid, his Coke was a treat, and you didn't dare drink one without permission. That you better keep the back porch door shut if the air conditioner was running. How he always had a dog. And he couldn't stand the cats. (Even though I loved them, and he ALWAYS had a bunch.) Cooking his supper and making his favorite white cake with chocolate icing, and lining up the pecans on top just like Granny taught me. How he would ride his 4-wheeler or walk through the woods to our house because he hadn't seen us that day.  Or as we grew older, because he heard we were were home. (But he wouldn't say that.) If we weren't at church, he would stop by to find out why.  And if Mama wasn't going for whatever rare reason, you ALWAYS had a ride to or from church. He let us be kids, but respectful kids. But don't dare slide down the stairs or play in Granny's junk room. :-) How he expected us to do right and act right. (Granny, on the other hand, would let me get away with murder.) How he always called me Sis as he grew older, and how he softened with age and loved kisses on the cheek. His silly Christmas socks and his bunch of ties. How he's taught the older men's Sunday school class as long as I've been alive. How he was always clean shaven until he started going down. Pop got to be there for my wedding. He met Arleigh. He had pizza with Clarence in our living room. Last Christmas, our Pop envelope was addressed to John, Penny, Clarence and Little Penny. How he gave CLARENCE a dollar at Christmas and had a sense of humor. How he STILL used his military issued razor. How he didn't loose his sharp-as-a-tack mind. How he called Arleigh his baby. It's almost if what I remember as my Andy Griffith Mayberry childhood is going too. I have so many awesome memories. He loved us. He loved family. All of us, even my crazy dog.  He even let Clarence in his house to visit.  Most importantly, he took his role as a Christian seriously.

The fact is, up until fall of last year, my Pop was still plowing fields and hunting at 89. This new life, of being confined indoors and not able to participate in life, just isn't him. It's selfish to want to hold him here when he can be back to plowing fields in heaven and sitting with God.

Last Saturday, I attended a bible study on leaving a legacy. When I think of the legacy I want to leave, I think of my Pop. It's the legacy he is leaving us with, and I want to leave at least as much with Arleigh. I pray that she remembers me as I will remember Pop.

With all the prayer requests, let me encourage your prayers in a different direction. Let me encourage you to pray for the souls he touched all these years to keep on reaching and teaching others to come and grow in Christ for generations to come. Let that be his legacy. Pray for peace as our family transitions one of our best to heaven.   Pray for God's will in this. Pray for us to never forget him as a man of God. Pray for all of us to be more like him, and in doing that, we will be grow closer to HIM.

1 Peter 1:3-5 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, who by God’s power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time.

Sweet sleep

Sweet baby sleeping before 9 should mean that mommy would tackle thank-you notes for all the generous people that have blessed us. However, this new Mommy just can't put her down. I totally see how it would be easy to stay home the first year. She changes so quickly that you blink and miss it...which makes this working Mama soak up every second. These first 3 months have FLOWN by way to fast. I think we'll move to Canada before the next one since they have a better maternity leave plan. This working mama business is TOUGH!

Baby girl LOVES her two fingers. Has from about week 11. Ain't she cute?

Thing 574 I said I'd never do...

Who knew there was a Baby's first TV channel that she likes more than me at this second? Add it to the mega growing list of parenting ideas I threw out the window. Deep breath....I'm sure there are worse things than allowing her a few minutes of TV. Then why does it bother me so that she really likes it?

Top 10 things I didn't know before Arleigh

10.  Nasty, smelly poop can excite you. Especially when your baby is crying and fussy and you know she just needs to let it out. There has been once already where we were so excited and happy there could have been balloons, cake, and ice cream afterwards.  Speaking of belly issues, babies have gas. And bad gas can have grown up smells. We are in amazement sometimes that 12 pounds of cuteness can clear a room.

9. Babies cry and get fussy when you try to eat supper. Arleigh is the best diet invention yet. Apparently when I come home from work I'm all hers. It means we rarely cook supper anymore, too. I like that arrangement, but I have to eat sometimes. Lots of meals of triscuits and hummus so far. Apparently Arleigh's "I want my mama and my mama wants me" diet plan is working. I'm down 14 pounds in the past three weeks. (Way to go Arleigh!) It also means that my lean cuisines at work for lunch are extremely enjoyable. It could just be the uninterrupted part of the deal.

8.  They make zip up footed PJs without the engineering degree snaps. I LOVE zippers! Especially at 2 in the morning half asleep with no contacts.

7.  Cheaper luvs diapers can hold more pee at night and don't leave a damp feeling on her clothes like pampers and huggies. This was news to me....I thought you paid more for better. Apparently not. But I do really like the new stripes on diapers that turn dark green when she's wet. That is way cool.

6. I didn't know I would totally revert back to child hood. This includes reading silly books in multiple voices (We LOVE Going on a Bear Hunt), singing silly songs and having conversations with just ahhh and goo. Conversations with an 11 week old are just about the highlight of my day.

5.  One smile can make you melt. JUST MELT. I'm going to have to teach myself and her daddy that just because she has that sweet smile doesn't mean she can have anything. If she could talk right now, it would be dangerous. "Diamonds, please Daddy?" "Paris for Christmas, Mama?"  "I'd like to go to the moon, Papa." Why sure, honey. Whatever you want.

4.  Buying used clothes was so cool. I've never been a consignment, eBay, or Facebook used clothes shopper. But it means so many more outfits when you will wear something for 3-4 months. Most of Arleigh's smocked dresses (that weren't gifts or hand me downs) I bought for $15 and less. I'm a new fan!

3. I didn't know we would check milestone charts everyday and text out our updates. And that we'd be watching so closely for the next little thing.  (The poor next kid. I'm afraid they won't get such luxuries.)  I'm such a goober, because I really do know that this doesn't mean jack when it comes to walking or other development. But I like to know we're progressing.  This week she loves to stand and put all her weight on her legs. (So stubbornly so, she's started locking them straight so you have to stand her up.) She's started a giggle that is pretty darn adorable. She loves sitting in her bumpo seat or sitting straight up in your lap checking out the world from a new angle. She's able to hold her head up and turn it side to side on her own pretty good now.  She's really discovered the TV and would probably like us to let her watch it more. (She likes Seinfeld like her Daddy for some reason. Mommy doesn't.) And she's starting to love her fingers more and more, which Mommy likes because it means she can suck on her fingers instead of using Mommy, the world's best midnight to dawn fussy baby paci-putter-back-inner.

2.  How AWESOME John would be at this. (I figured I'd catch on pretty quick. I love babies and kids. I worked in a daycare. I've had babies around me forever.) Call me crazy, but I just assumed since he'd never wanted to be around babies or kids that he wouldn't be into parenting.  (I now know wanting to be around kids and having your own are two entirely different things.)  Heck, He's held Swayze once, and other than his conversations with Millie and Libby over the years, that's about the extent of his child care expertise. BOY WAS I WRONG. I'll never forget them rolling her in to the room at the hospital Friday night. (We had her Wednesday, and after much begging, they moved her from NICU to Well Baby so she could come to the room.) John just reached in and picked her up like he'd done it a thousand times. He gave me a little look like "here we go" and he just went for it. He hasn't stopped. He changes most poopies, feeds, bathes, sings...all of it. He's making me SO proud. So very, very, proud. Arleigh is very lucky to have a daddy like him.

1. And my number one thing that I didn't know before Arleigh...How you can have THIS MUCH LOVE for something so little and tiny. I knew we would love her. But I can't even explain the volume of love for her. It amazes me EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.

Mommy Life - All I can say is WOW!

This is a long one...excuse my babbling.

It's an amazing process. You get pregnant, and (if you are lucky) Poof! You have a baby and become a mom. Just like that. There's no magic switch to create this amazing love....but let me tell you, something happens and the flood gates open. And love grows. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.  I'm so amazed that I can wake up in the morning, see those smiley blue eyes and sweet chubby cheeks staring at me jabbering and just have the surreal rush of love. It's AMAZING. Absolutely God sent. In the beginning it was about survival. Feed, sleep, poop and repeat, all on zero sleep for the parents.  There wasn't much time to think about what you were doing. But now - we're almost 10 weeks -  the bubbly little personality begins to shine and the love keeps on growing. Maybe it's because of the miscarriage and the fact we wanted her SO much. I don't know where it comes from. I just know it's some kind of amazing love.

If you can't tell, we think Arleigh O is FABULOUS. She's a grinner and a talker. She loves to be the center of whatever is going on. From about 3 weeks, if you left her while she was wide awake she'd let you know that wasn't the plan she had in mind. She doesn't have to be held, but she has to know you are there...talking, listening to her babble and coo. If we're cooking or working on chores, she likes to be right there with you. (I hope she's like that until she's 30, but somehow I know it won't last.)

I'm one of those Mama's that can't really sing - but we sing ALL the time. (I'll blame that on the W....we had songs for EVERYTHING!) Old hymns, Praise and Worship, Masker and Silhouette songs, kid's songs, made up songs (thanks Uncle Richard) ....We sing. We start each day with Rise and Shine and give God the Glory....our own version.  (I hope I'm that mom who will stay goofy and will sing this when she's home from college one day.) And we carry on the silliest conversations. There is nothing sweeter than Arleigh answering my grown kid questions with her AhAhs and GoooGoos....It's my little piece of heaven. (Arleigh apparently talked Poppy in to a new boat and a chicken coop Sunday morning while Mommy and NanO were getting ready for church. She was a chatterbox talking to him!) She's finding her voice more and more. Some sounds are just crazy, like when she figured out how to make the silly hiccup sound without actually having the hiccups last Saturday morning. Our favorite game is mimicking sounds. Ah Ah Ah by Mommy then AhAhAh by Arleigh. LOVE it! :-)

Her favorite current possession would have to be her mobile in her crib. She loves that sucker. And Clarence of course. She likes to talk to both. Don't know what she's saying, but they all seem to be happy.

She's letting me read now more and more. I started in the beginning, but she wasn't that interested and would be crying by page 4. (Mommy was so into reading it may have been a bit overwhelming.) From about week 6, she started really focusing on the pages and can now stay engaged for 2 books or more - depending on how much ad-lib Mommy ads. I love the silliness and simplicity of children's books, and apparently I've been missing them for years...Because I can read at night as long as she'll let me. :-) 

We tried rice cereal mixed with formula by spoon around 7 weeks and also in a cereal feeder. She LOVED it and wanted to chow it down! She would attack the spoon with a vengeance! But it didn't make a difference on her staying to sleep longer at all, and didn't really help with reflux, but it did make her break out in a little rash. (Of course my child would be the one allergic to rice.) We decided we'd shelf the idea until closer to 4 months and try again. She's up to sleeping now from 10-3 on her own. The doctor said it had more to do with her size and weight, and if she's getting everything she needs to eat during the day. He said most babies are sleeping through the night on their own (without cereal) at 3-4 months.

Speaking of eating, she's up to around 30 ounces a day. (New mamas, you calculate the minimum they can eat by taking their weight times 2.5, and that's the ounces per day.) She's on a pretty decent schedule. She takes the bulk of her bottles (6 oz) from noon to about 10 at night, then "snack" eats 2-4 ozs randomly in between. 

I've been overwhelmed lately by the seriousness of the responsibility we have to raise our kids right. I'm still figuring out what kind of mom I want to be, what type of discipline we'll want to use, how we'll keep our kids engaged in our family - the list goes on. Heck, she's 10 weeks old.  My mom and I had the conversation this weekend about child rearing. (I have pretty amazing parents. So does John.) I've always known the train up a child verse, but it's never really meant anything to me. Until now.

Proverbs 22:6

Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.

We raise them right. We give them all the knowledge and directions they need to get to the destination. Of course we hope the road is straight and smooth. But they are going to hit pot holes, they are going to get lost. But if we give them the know-how to figure out how to get back on the right road, they will get to the destination in the end. We have to make their foundation solid so that when we let them go, which we will eventually have to do, they can find the right way on their own. That's the goal. Not for us to drive them there or be the co-pilot for life. But for us to give them the tools to get there on their own. In the end, we have to let go and let God.

 I already know I'm the mom who'd rather have dirty clothes and eat a lean cuisine for supper than miss out on my daily conversation with Arleigh during her awake time when I'm home from work.

I'm the mom that loves to listen and gather everyone's opinions to get ideas (like with the cereal) then go with what works best for us, sometimes throwing it all out the window. There's not a book or person out there that has my baby. And we will always know what's best. Even if we have to search the depths of our soul for the answer and live with the consequences of our mistakes. We're her parents. It's our job. 

I'm the mom that likes being silly and cheesy because now I have the perfect excuse. (Not that I really needed one, but I love goofy. Especially baby goofy when no one else is around.)

I'm the mom that didn't freak when breast feeding didn't work for us. I had kinda figured on a csection, and wasn't totally distraught by the fact of not having a natural delivery. I just wanted her here. But the one thing I did really want to do was breast feed. I have horrible allergies, and I knew BF was best. Plus, the bonding with your baby would have been such a wonderful experience. Both of us tried hard for 6 weeks. Really hard.  If I hadn't gone back to work I'd still be trying. But even with pumping round the clock, Arleigh trying, lactation consultants calls and visits, reading books and websites, bottles of fenugreek, friends helping...It didn't work for us. The most we ever got was 2-3 ounces a day. When you have a kid that was eating 25 ounces a day, completely frustrated with anything other than a bottle, and you are going back to work, it didn't make sense for us to continue. We calculated that I was spending 5-6 hours a day pumping and washing parts. (Outside of her feedings, because she didn't want anything to do with the breast. And with the super duper hospital grade pump, I couldn't do anything else while pumping.) Even though I know the little bit we did give her was best. (And she loved it!) I wish it would have been great for us and I'll try again next time. But I'm not going to let it define who I am as a mom. We did what was best for us and Arleigh, and that's what matters. There are plenty of other ways to bond. I know that now.

I'm the mom who learned real quick to throw out the judgement of other moms and their parenting.  I'm eating lots of my words and thoughts, just like my daddy-in-law said I would. I'm sure I'll be eating all of them before we hit 18. Everyone has different ideas, just like every kid will need the parents to understand they are different, and individuals. What works for one won't work for another. Discipline will be different. Schedules will be different. Even morals will be different from family to family. You just have to trust your instincts and roll with it...and there may be consequences. But you're doing your best, right? 

I'm the mom that knows she may be a dream baby right now, but there's going to come a time when she's not going to be this perfect. I'm soaking up the good now, but I know we're going to have bumps soon. And I just hope we as parents stay focused on the outcome of her character. But lets be real, I can hope and pray all day about how I want her to be. But she's going to be herself, and I just hope we give her enough tools to turn out top-notch in the end. 

I'm the laid back mom who doesn't freak when dog-brother Clarence decides his newborn sister needs a kiss...or kisses. As a matter of fact, Clarence has become the perfect baby sitter...you just have to let him. If she's crying, you can tell "brother" to check on "sister", and he'll go stick his nose in her face and let out some sort of gruff in their own language. Typically she will automatically chill out and just look at her goofy, big, black, fur ball brother. Some days, Clarence gets all the smiles. The vet actually told us that this was the best thing we could do for Clarence and his relationship within the family. Let him do what comes natural from the beginning and just be there to make sure he won't hurt or show aggression. And he hasn't. He's a great big brother. Clarence was in the family first, and we try hard for him to know he's still a part, even though his role (and amount of attention) has definitely changed.

I'm the mom who makes it a habit now to apologize to her when I get tired and cranky and don't act like a mom should. (Sometimes, even with my happy self, it happens from sheer exhaustion.) She doesn't have a clue now.  But one day, if it's a habit of mine, hopefully she will be able to do the same.We want her to have grace. The kind of grace that knows no one is perfect. Even parents.

I'm the mom who knows Arleigh should be in bed earlier than 10 or 11 on a better schedule because she needs 10-11 hours of sleep, but I can't do it because I want to spend every minute I'm awake with her. She's usually awake from about 4-11 pm - just for her Mama I'm sure. She can sleep at school. (For now anyway.)

 I'm the mom who prays with her every day because I want her to know it's part of our routine. Even if she still doesn't have a clue what I'm doing. One day she will. One day it will be her habit.

I'm the mom that bites my tongue if someone is doing something different with her than how I would do it. Or advice that doesn't matter. Just keep on smiling and change the subject. None of us have broken her yet.

I'm the mom that said for years I could never be a stay at home mom, but now I'm eating my words and would do anything to be afforded the luxury of taking care of Arleigh full time. (But I hope she grows to respect me for working hard in a different way.) I'm sure she will be fine; it's more upsetting for me than her. She has fantastic teachers who smother her with love during the day.  And when she's older, they will provide a great education. Of course I'll still need to supplement it all. She, just like me, will be fine. Although the more personality she gets, the harder it is to leave her every day. Makes me wanna cry! Or we could blame it on the new hormones...Who knows. Either way, it's HARD! Thank goodness for sweet teachers who text me pictures!

I'm the mom that wants to spoil her with love, my time, attention and affection, but not spoil her with things. I hope this is one we can remember to stick to as she gets older. (Current closet excluded from judgement.)  :-)

I'm the mom that doesn't panic when daddy puts Palmolive in the bathtub instead of baby wash. I'm just thankful she has a dad that wants to give her a bath. She's loved. So very loved.

Arleigh's baby dedication was Sunday. We went "home" to Mt. Zion to have her dedicated over to the Lord. :-) Full circle for me. NanO did the dedication, and Bro. Steve did the prayer. It was where I was born, brought up, saved, baptized, married, and now Arleigh's dedication. Arleigh had a cheering section. When you think about it, this was a huge day in her life. We, as parents, have made the decision that she's really not ours. She's God's, just on loan. We're responsible for making sure when she meets God, He's proud of his child. (See...SERIOUS responsibility!)  Papa and JuJu, Nano and Poppy, Uncle Josh, Aunt Brittney, Cousin Swayze, Cousins DanDan, Libby Lou and Millie Claire, Cousin Alexa, Auntie Rosie, and Tuscaloosa Aunties Beth and Claire came to see her dedication. (Total cheering section!) Arleigh is surrounded by a village of love.

When all this love comes pouring out of you for this one little baby, there's plenty to go around elsewhere, believe it or not. It's amazing what this new little love has done for our marriage. She's changed us both already. We smile more. Laugh more. Love more. Have you seen John as a daddy? He's down-right awesome. He loves his little mini-me, and she loves him. As a matter of fact, when she first did the "follow the voice" and "follow the face" it wasn't for her Mama - It was for her Daddy.  They are buds. :-) Arleigh only stays at school for about 3 hours in the morning now. John picks her up and he has Daddy duty until I get home. He's great with her. Gets up at night, changes diapers, gives baths...whatever needs doing he's right there. So protective. Super hero mode already.  I pity the guy who comes knocking on our door one day.   Maybe it's because she's 80% John, 15% Josh and about 5% me. Sometimes I can look at her and John's percentage goes down to 60%, but he's winning the genetics right now.

The best advice and the most repeated advice has been to hold them, love them, and hold them some more. Friends who have little ones to elderly adults have all stressed to us that she's going to grow so fast, that when she is on the move she may not want you to hold her. I'm definitely soaking up the sweet baby while I can.  We're making it a point to chill out and enjoy her.

Thank you notes and baby announcements, I promise I have you printed and on the to-do list! House cleaning and cooking, you can wait, too! I've still not reopened Daisymaes. I'm just not ready yet. Arleigh's the one that gets to be center of our universe right now.  It's hard enough going back to my 40 hour a week job - that wasn't a choice. But Daisymaes I can choose. Right now it's not as important...  I've been creative for others for so long, now it's time to use that little gift for Arleigh.   I've been very blessed and fortunate to have a creative outlet and make a little extra. But we're readjusting our needs as a family now, and choosing a second job to take another 8-15 hours a week away just isn't an option. Not while SHE needs me to be a mama.

Gosh she's cute. :-)

But Of COURSE it's hard! We have a 10 week old and our batteries are running out of juice most days! We try to stick to a schedule, but she has a mind of her own sometimes.  I just cut us all some slack, give a little grace and keep on trucking. We are new to this after all. She doesn't seem to mind or even know if we mess up, she just knows we're always there. She knows she's content and loved. She's one of those easy babies. (Even though we're not sleeping, and our new routine/schedule was shot after our weekend in Columbus.) She's still a very good, calm baby.

Man I love my little ray of sunshine and my little family.  When I say we are truly blessed, we REALLY are blessed. Life is good. So sweet and so good.

Now if I can just remember all this when she hits the terrible twos through teenage years, we'll be in business. That's why it takes a village, right? So the village can pick up when we mess up....or we're wore slap out! :-)

Mommy is doing better this afternoon. Very Sore still, but I walked to the Nicu. Trying to keep moving.  Breathing was initially Arleigh's problem, but basically our nurse said once they get a baby in nicu they hold onto it. She looks much better now. Good color, some of the fluid is off of her and she is rooting and sucking on that passy like she's starving.  She kept her eyes open and was very alert on our last visit. Hopeful they will take the drip out tomorrow if she's eating well. They are going to try the first bottle this afternoon. This mommy is just ready to hold her and give her kisses!  Fingers crossed we will be able to hold her tomorrow. They still won't allow more than the parents and grands to see her because of RSV/flu season :-(  we will more than likely check her out of nicu to go home.

Introducing our chunky monkey - arleigh olivia! I still haven't laid a finger on her, so she better get ready for when mama can smother her with kisses!

Arleigh was hanging on really high, wouldn't even drop. Ended up with a section. They did have to take her to the nicu, but the doctor hasn't come to see us yet so we dont know any details. Didn't seem to be anything serious, just preemie type breathing since she was early. But we don't know yet. She weighed 7lbs 11 oz, 20 inches. Born at 11:07. We're at northport DCH wp3. :-) so far I feel really good. Spinal is still working, so I can't feel much yet. Just sucks because I wont be able to see her for about 4 hours or more. John should get to go back soon and see her. I'm ready to smother my girl in kisses!

We're better now. Today was a little rough. Had some pretty good contractions all day on the meds, 1-2 minutes apart. Pretty intense at times. But so far my cervix hasn't budged. Still closed tight and high. We'll start the process again tomorrow.  If  we don't proceed tomorrow we could end up with a section by tomorrow night. They could try for day 3 on the meds, but its a little more doubtful. Had a shower and got to eat (hospital valentines day special of steak ans shrimp) and then they put the cervadil back in. Fixin to sleep for a while now. Can have the Demerol every 3 hours. Can't have epi until I'm dialated or we commit to a section. OJ did touch up my toes....made me feel a little more human. :-). Hubs bought me roses for valentines..now I'm  off to sleep!

All hooked up and ready to go! The cervadil didn't do much, and they anticipate this may take more than one day. Policy is to try the induction meds, see if we make progress. If we don't make enough, they'll start it over again tomorrow. As of now, that's the plan. Will know progress by late afternoon.

I have a hubs who brings me homemade milkshakes. :-) we had a talk that I thought preggo needed a little ice cream pick me up, and knowing that his are MUCH better than any drive thru, I got a special, made with love shake as my last food as a surprise. Ain't that sweet? :-)

Yay! Good news. Dr. Emig came by, we're gonna start the cervadil tonight and start the induction tomorrow. Could be a long process since I haven't dilated any at all, may even go into Wednesday before Arleigh makes her arrival. No reason to talk csection unless me or baby have some  kind of distress. We get to move to the nice rooms this afternoon. Dr. Chwe or Allen are on call tomorrow.  Will be in WP3 birthing suite.  We have started having a few contractions, so fingers crossed we get to have as natural as possible! :-)

To all my mommy to be friends. Pack your bags and your car well in advance of your due date! Last Thursday we went in for a regular checkup at 36w2days by their calculations. Ended up downstairs in the hospital, where we'll stay until we get a baby. I missed one fabulous shower by my neighbor Beth today, and then these lovelies are setting up the nursery and packing bags for me and Arleigh....